The first few times he kept saying we're old, I can't help but having the resistance to the argument. It was only till he clarified that not only physically, but in terms of identity shift, from a student to an adult, that I realized, yeah it's coming so quickly that not only me can sense it now....
It's like realizing that one of my privileges in life is getting stripped off from you soon when the thought first hit me, I was unprepared and, traumatized deep inside my mind.
A one way trip called life, we're all sent to this world with just one ticket, some people choose to abandon it and jump off the road halfway, some people run as quick as they can all the way like there's no tomorrow, few actually remember what they saw yesterday during each and every day of the trip but most of us take things for granted without questioning the meanings behind
I don't wanna do the questioning now, not in the mood yet but, holding the ticket with me tightly, having realized that my journey is completed at least 20 percent, at the point of no return, I'm unprepared for I'm just like one of the majority who take things for granted
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
偶像
走在商场，偶然看见elva萧亚轩的新专辑，有那么一丝的冲动想要买下来，终究把专辑放下，和自己，和枫镱说，先在网上听听他的新歌，才决定是不是要买。
连自己也很难相信，若干年前，elva是我唯一的所谓的“偶像”。我从不曾是追星一族，自娘胎出来至今从不曾为了任何的艺人做出比买专辑更疯狂的事。唯一一次让我有近距离接触王力宏是被朋友骗去的，在商场里无端端的挤了两小时，还气了大半天，倒是没有因为能亲眼目睹王力宏的风采而兴奋。
elva刚出道的样子到现在都还记得，和现在大概是有着天壤之别。枫镱说他的眼睛很漂亮，我失笑的说他的眼睛大概是他每次化妆的重点，如果看见他原来的样子大概会认不出来。
这么多年来，似乎也盲目的多买了他的专辑，虽然当中有一两张确实不错，整体来说，我似乎更常听其他女歌手的歌。第一眼看见他的当时大概已奠定了他是偶像的地位，可笑的是在后来的日子无论是他的作风，造型，歌路无一不让我讨厌。说真的，第一眼看见的他比起现在一点都不漂亮，但却最想念当时他的样子。
人说台湾女生比较有气质，或许，当他投入演艺圈的那一刻，要为自己的形象开始改变的时候，他早就放弃了最吸引我的那一点。话说回来，形象改变是为了迎合市场，是自己的品味古怪？还是，如今的社会大众根本对外型以外的一切都不感兴趣？悲哀。。。。
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
辛苦
好久都没有的感觉，一点把握都没有，完全无法想像会发生什么事，还有不到两个星期的时间，三张试卷等着我。。。
虽然还是较他人懒，几个月来依然花了很多时间在实验室里，一整个学期都没有小考，搞得自己也没有多看笔记一眼，在临考的当儿，还是得为之前一直松懈的日子付出代价，在实验室待更久的时间，承受更大的压力，每一天都感觉累垮了，然后又强迫自己在晚上温习，何来效率？
完全不知道会发生什么事的感觉很骇人，面对四面八方来的压力，向前迈进的脚步显得越来越沉重，有点摇摇欲坠的感觉。。。
为自己加油吧！咬紧牙关撑过去，谁又会知道明天会发生什么事？
虽然还是较他人懒，几个月来依然花了很多时间在实验室里，一整个学期都没有小考，搞得自己也没有多看笔记一眼，在临考的当儿，还是得为之前一直松懈的日子付出代价，在实验室待更久的时间，承受更大的压力，每一天都感觉累垮了，然后又强迫自己在晚上温习，何来效率？
完全不知道会发生什么事的感觉很骇人，面对四面八方来的压力，向前迈进的脚步显得越来越沉重，有点摇摇欲坠的感觉。。。
为自己加油吧！咬紧牙关撑过去，谁又会知道明天会发生什么事？
Thursday, November 5, 2009
最近
细雨绵绵的晚上，实在不能埋怨的天气，我也应该配以轻松的心情度过今晚，不然会白白浪费好不容易而来的好天气。。。
想要和大家分享附上的这一首歌，一首苏永康的老歌，自己首次接触的时候也是好几年前的事了，吸引我的原因是因为歌词写得蛮有意义，而想要和其他人分享。
恋爱中的自己附上这首歌，并不是要宣扬单身万岁，恋爱只落得沉沦的想法。反之，很想要借助这首歌的词，提醒自己，提醒别人，恋爱的，莫让爱情蒙蔽了双眼，舍弃了许多趁年轻应该勇于尝试的机会；单身的，也没必要把恋爱看成一切，人的一生，全都奉献给爱情的话，未免单调了一些。。。
有个人说，自己现在身旁有一个伴，当然说得轻松，落得形单影只的时候，孤单的感觉还是不容易抵御。。。。
或许吧，生活有个伴，无论什么时候都会比单身不一样，虽然感情的脆弱，有时候更甚于大部分人的想像。。。。
从最后一年，很快就会变成最后一个学期。习惯了学生这个身份近二十年之久，人生的大转变通常都来得比想像要快很多。不想把感觉夸大的好象就失去了大部分人生一样，虽说求学时代大概是人生最美好的岁月之一，但人生的路走了还不到一半，太快泄气，难免不争气。
实验室里一位中国同僚说想要到吉隆坡观光，自己很自然的就说了一句“吉隆坡和新加坡蛮像，除了治安以外”。他大为不解，几句追问之下，自己竟然不知道怎么说下去。我要怎么解释一个不算很穷，拥有不少一流公共设备，丰厚天然资源，且自称中庸的世俗国，首都的治安令人不敢恭维？难道我应该说，这个国家虽然富有，人民却没有公民意识，不文明？还是应该把责任都推在外劳身上？还是应该说这国家的人民宗教信仰太强，抗拒外人到了一个不可思议的地步？
尴尬的不是因为国家治安不好的事实，能够坦然接受批评和缺点才会有进步，对个人对国家都一样。汗颜的，反而是，相信国人都对治安败坏的原因一清二楚，但要像外国人说起来，却是那么的难以启齿。我又怎么好意思和外国朋友说，每天看和国家大事有关的新闻，感觉像是一群业余演员的肥皂剧，无止无尽，还以为国人还百看不厌。
大考逼近，实验室的工作也来到了最忙碌的时候，这几天忙得有点体力透支，在这一个晚上有个短暂的中场休息，只愿接下来的几个月，无论是工作或功课都能善待我，最后一关了，也不想临门一脚才来摔跤。
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
世界末日
开始留意2012这部电影的时候，是在youtube里，觉得名字有点特别，看了预告后，更觉得一发不可收拾，一口气看完了所有的预告片，然后在之后的几天都在网上浏览关于2012的预言，所谓玛雅人的日历，所谓世界的终结，所谓银河以一字形的排开。。。。。
我喜欢看灾难片，但不是完全没有根据，就只为了哗众取宠的灾难片。像是几年前的the day after tomorrow便让我有百看不厌的感觉。超爱里面壮观的场面，那一幕自由女神像没洪水淹掉一半的情景，就算不能完全记住了细节，那一股滂湃的情绪，就是现在也记得很清楚。
2012也一样，一幕洪水把西藏的寺庙淹没的情景，直让我等不及要到电影院观赏。。。。。
我喜欢灾难片的原因大概不是因为自己冷血，但无可否认的有一种痛快的感觉，似乎对全人类漠视大自然的力量而终得到教训所以感到快感，说起来，另一部电影，the day the earth stood still，很多人都没办法欣赏，我却看得津津有味，大概是一样的道理。。。
甚至有时还会那么一瞬间的念头，世界末日，就让它来吧！大家一锅熟！呵，一个即将毕业的大学生，对世界竟有着愤世嫉俗的想法，哪怕只是那么短暂的念头，这背后是什么原因？是大学生本身的问题？还是反映着社会潜在的问题？
说起天灾，盼望最近接二连三的地震与台风并不是真的什么预告，生活忙碌的关系，对最近发生的事并没有太大的感触。
还是五年前的南亚大海啸比较有深刻的印象，还记得当年官方的悼念夜，自己傻傻的站在回教堂，默默地站了两分钟。。。。
感恩吧！大概是人类其中一种很难才有的情绪。一只知道自己并不是身边人最珍惜的一个，多年前曾经为此而执着，多年后的今天选择不去想，暗地里清楚知道，自己依然在意得很。。。。
很容易因为小事而觉得自己很幸福，然后感恩，但也很容易因为生命里一些，一直解不开的心结而在意。。。
我喜欢看灾难片，但不是完全没有根据，就只为了哗众取宠的灾难片。像是几年前的the day after tomorrow便让我有百看不厌的感觉。超爱里面壮观的场面，那一幕自由女神像没洪水淹掉一半的情景，就算不能完全记住了细节，那一股滂湃的情绪，就是现在也记得很清楚。
2012也一样，一幕洪水把西藏的寺庙淹没的情景，直让我等不及要到电影院观赏。。。。。
我喜欢灾难片的原因大概不是因为自己冷血，但无可否认的有一种痛快的感觉，似乎对全人类漠视大自然的力量而终得到教训所以感到快感，说起来，另一部电影，the day the earth stood still，很多人都没办法欣赏，我却看得津津有味，大概是一样的道理。。。
甚至有时还会那么一瞬间的念头，世界末日，就让它来吧！大家一锅熟！呵，一个即将毕业的大学生，对世界竟有着愤世嫉俗的想法，哪怕只是那么短暂的念头，这背后是什么原因？是大学生本身的问题？还是反映着社会潜在的问题？
说起天灾，盼望最近接二连三的地震与台风并不是真的什么预告，生活忙碌的关系，对最近发生的事并没有太大的感触。
还是五年前的南亚大海啸比较有深刻的印象，还记得当年官方的悼念夜，自己傻傻的站在回教堂，默默地站了两分钟。。。。
感恩吧！大概是人类其中一种很难才有的情绪。一只知道自己并不是身边人最珍惜的一个，多年前曾经为此而执着，多年后的今天选择不去想，暗地里清楚知道，自己依然在意得很。。。。
很容易因为小事而觉得自己很幸福，然后感恩，但也很容易因为生命里一些，一直解不开的心结而在意。。。
Sunday, September 27, 2009
drowned
a night of which i don't feel like doing anything constructive, it's a Sunday night, the night before second half of my second last semester in NUS kick start....
it's absolutely precious tonight, for unknown reasons i just don't feel that i wanna work....ok no one wanna work at night, especially on Sunday nights, but what i feel right now, is so strong that i have enough courage to just stop whatever i'm doing, and yet the guilty of not working doesn't overwhelm me....
time flies, the moment i reached hometown about a week ago, the thought of another 3 months passed troubled for quite a while i have to say....6 weeks of holiday spent in lab, enjoyed good times with freshmen as well as had some adaptation problem moving to a new environment, another 6 weeks spent in lab, puzzled over what's taught in lecture, and getting stressed out because of ever accumulating assignments and journal papers.....
had very intense feeling of not having enough time at home this time, four days for me to meet up with friends, to enjoy some quality time with family, to drive around hometown (i just enjoy doing it every time i go home), and to also have some time for assignments....
and the four days just passed.... with mum away to visit uncle at Johor for two days, with dad asking me to travel to Cameron just for dinner with family, and well, with a very enjoyable driving trip for freshwater fishes and shrimps, with a karaoke session at a not so right timing (sore throat), and that's about all for the four days.....
i guess it's just the style of nus to give you different kinds of challenges in time management, i was, and i still am so overwhelmed with the due dates of assignments in this coming month, and lab too, is getting really intense....
don't really plan to reorganize this fragmented collections of thoughts here, am still drowned emotionally, just let it be.....
it's absolutely precious tonight, for unknown reasons i just don't feel that i wanna work....ok no one wanna work at night, especially on Sunday nights, but what i feel right now, is so strong that i have enough courage to just stop whatever i'm doing, and yet the guilty of not working doesn't overwhelm me....
time flies, the moment i reached hometown about a week ago, the thought of another 3 months passed troubled for quite a while i have to say....6 weeks of holiday spent in lab, enjoyed good times with freshmen as well as had some adaptation problem moving to a new environment, another 6 weeks spent in lab, puzzled over what's taught in lecture, and getting stressed out because of ever accumulating assignments and journal papers.....
had very intense feeling of not having enough time at home this time, four days for me to meet up with friends, to enjoy some quality time with family, to drive around hometown (i just enjoy doing it every time i go home), and to also have some time for assignments....
and the four days just passed.... with mum away to visit uncle at Johor for two days, with dad asking me to travel to Cameron just for dinner with family, and well, with a very enjoyable driving trip for freshwater fishes and shrimps, with a karaoke session at a not so right timing (sore throat), and that's about all for the four days.....
i guess it's just the style of nus to give you different kinds of challenges in time management, i was, and i still am so overwhelmed with the due dates of assignments in this coming month, and lab too, is getting really intense....
don't really plan to reorganize this fragmented collections of thoughts here, am still drowned emotionally, just let it be.....
Saturday, August 22, 2009
year 4
i told myself i wanna blog tonight, i wanna blog tonight....
there are so many things i wish to update here, and for weeks, even months, i just couldn't find the motivation to get things written here and posted, will just go for lame games if given any free time to kill, i'm not sure if it's the hectic schedule to blame for being so lazy to just produce a blog post here, which was done so effortless once...
first off, 3 modules for the second last semester in NUS for me, system neurobiology, advanced immunology and Toxicology. Yeah they sound awesome, which makes their workloads all the more horrible....
it's just....sad but nothing can be done to tell that, among the three, only one of them was part of my initial plan for the current semester. thanks to the beautiful arrangement of whoever for the life sciences year 4 modules timetable, i'll have to take 3 final papers all on the same day. I guess that, if achieved, is probably something worth feeling proud of despite the discouraging nature of NUS. I'm not the kind who would work to impress others so forget about it and yeah, ended up with what i have now...
final year project, for those who'd still like to ask me what's mine about, i'm working on a protein called BNIP-H, happens to be a member of protein family called BNIP-2, which bears a domain for the binding of regulatory proteins of G-protein, and my main goal of the project is to characterize the lipid binding profile of BNIP-H, well for non life sciences or biology student, sorry but this is probably one of the simplest introduction....
moving to yoHA for almost 2 months, and i'm happy to say that things are slowly falling into place. As i've anticipated even before moving in, the short walk from the door to bus stop is indeed much less stress-inducing compared to staying in campus. I hear karaoke singing, laughter and chattering, sounds from tv and etc whenever i go out or come back from school.In a certain extent, all of these serve as a invisible wall, separating me from the headache-causing issues at school after reaching "home". Of course, complaints tend to be associated with satisfaction, at least that's the case for me. Staying off campus makes gathering with friends no longer something to be taken for granted, a luxury instead it becomes, something i know i need a lot of effort to get used to.
Another UFO4 has passed, with little anticipation this year, i give credits to the helpers as well as the freshmen for giving a lot of surprises to me this year. Despite being reminded that i'm RELATIVELY old, i'm more than happy to spend, though little but quality time with some of them. They made me feeling upset occasionally, not for the wrong reason, but just, reminded me of the good old days, and the emotional struggle....how i wish i could just go back to year 1....
that's all for the update i guess, at least for tonight....
there are so many things i wish to update here, and for weeks, even months, i just couldn't find the motivation to get things written here and posted, will just go for lame games if given any free time to kill, i'm not sure if it's the hectic schedule to blame for being so lazy to just produce a blog post here, which was done so effortless once...
first off, 3 modules for the second last semester in NUS for me, system neurobiology, advanced immunology and Toxicology. Yeah they sound awesome, which makes their workloads all the more horrible....
it's just....sad but nothing can be done to tell that, among the three, only one of them was part of my initial plan for the current semester. thanks to the beautiful arrangement of whoever for the life sciences year 4 modules timetable, i'll have to take 3 final papers all on the same day. I guess that, if achieved, is probably something worth feeling proud of despite the discouraging nature of NUS. I'm not the kind who would work to impress others so forget about it and yeah, ended up with what i have now...
final year project, for those who'd still like to ask me what's mine about, i'm working on a protein called BNIP-H, happens to be a member of protein family called BNIP-2, which bears a domain for the binding of regulatory proteins of G-protein, and my main goal of the project is to characterize the lipid binding profile of BNIP-H, well for non life sciences or biology student, sorry but this is probably one of the simplest introduction....
moving to yoHA for almost 2 months, and i'm happy to say that things are slowly falling into place. As i've anticipated even before moving in, the short walk from the door to bus stop is indeed much less stress-inducing compared to staying in campus. I hear karaoke singing, laughter and chattering, sounds from tv and etc whenever i go out or come back from school.In a certain extent, all of these serve as a invisible wall, separating me from the headache-causing issues at school after reaching "home". Of course, complaints tend to be associated with satisfaction, at least that's the case for me. Staying off campus makes gathering with friends no longer something to be taken for granted, a luxury instead it becomes, something i know i need a lot of effort to get used to.
Another UFO4 has passed, with little anticipation this year, i give credits to the helpers as well as the freshmen for giving a lot of surprises to me this year. Despite being reminded that i'm RELATIVELY old, i'm more than happy to spend, though little but quality time with some of them. They made me feeling upset occasionally, not for the wrong reason, but just, reminded me of the good old days, and the emotional struggle....how i wish i could just go back to year 1....
that's all for the update i guess, at least for tonight....
Sunday, July 12, 2009
my mind
I've come back to NUS for more than 3 weeks, almost a month, and things have not been quite ok....
it's quite normal for people to relate that to things like, not enough money to spend, no place to stay, or having some interpersonal relationship problems, or even work problems....i can't say that i have no problem at all for all those, but those are not the major ones, but people might ask then, what else?
i didn't expect that after 3 years in NUS, it's only my final year that i've suddenly made a trip to the counseling center....
i've been having some problems ever since i come back from hometown, problems that i, for so many years in my life, have realized the existence, their persistence in my life but have not been strong enough to overcome, or rather, still do not understand them fully...
i dare not say that no one actually understand my problems, but trust me, when i wanted to tell somebody about it, it's either me having difficulties making them into understandable words or the person just don't get it....
ok, i don't wanna make it sounds like it's so serious that i've got to be admitted into a mental health hospital, but being troubled with it for so many years, and knowing that it's mainly of internal causes, i have to say that it's indeed torturing at times, particularly, not many people actually experience or understand it, i mean, after all, how many people around you have a mind that has gone haywire?
chatting with the counselor the other day for less than half an hour did nothing particularly beneficial other than reminding me the fact that all of the problems, come from my mind, yes, my mind created them....
let your mind be your best friend, but not your worst enemy, to quote the counselor.
so happen carly and i was watching a hong kong drama about psychiatrists and people who are mentally-ill, "a great way to care", i can't help having such complicated yet overwhelming feelings about the strength of a person's mind...
i did not attend any of the commencement ceremony so far but merely share the joy via looking at pictures in facebook, it certainly is a great milestone in life for everyone, and every time i think of it, can't help thinking back my life....
and suddenly i realize, because of my mind, or mainly because of it, i've missed so many things in life, i've screwed up so many things in life..
now, looking back too frequent in life alone, is already a problem about my mind, is already something that will hold me back, not counting other factors that worsen it.....
i hate the feeling of being stucked in the middle, i certainly hope that after failing so many times in my past 20 years, i can go all out to achieve something, anything in coming years of my life
i know i'm held back to a great extent, i hate it, i hate myself sometimes, i scold myself because of it....
not long before coming to NUS, 3 years ago, when i sent my car for some servicing and i happened to bump into a classmate who's working there, i learnt a great lesson of life...
let's just hope these 3 miserable weeks will become another "classmate" of mine to teach me another lesson, one that will transcend my life to a higher platform...
it's quite normal for people to relate that to things like, not enough money to spend, no place to stay, or having some interpersonal relationship problems, or even work problems....i can't say that i have no problem at all for all those, but those are not the major ones, but people might ask then, what else?
i didn't expect that after 3 years in NUS, it's only my final year that i've suddenly made a trip to the counseling center....
i've been having some problems ever since i come back from hometown, problems that i, for so many years in my life, have realized the existence, their persistence in my life but have not been strong enough to overcome, or rather, still do not understand them fully...
i dare not say that no one actually understand my problems, but trust me, when i wanted to tell somebody about it, it's either me having difficulties making them into understandable words or the person just don't get it....
ok, i don't wanna make it sounds like it's so serious that i've got to be admitted into a mental health hospital, but being troubled with it for so many years, and knowing that it's mainly of internal causes, i have to say that it's indeed torturing at times, particularly, not many people actually experience or understand it, i mean, after all, how many people around you have a mind that has gone haywire?
chatting with the counselor the other day for less than half an hour did nothing particularly beneficial other than reminding me the fact that all of the problems, come from my mind, yes, my mind created them....
let your mind be your best friend, but not your worst enemy, to quote the counselor.
so happen carly and i was watching a hong kong drama about psychiatrists and people who are mentally-ill, "a great way to care", i can't help having such complicated yet overwhelming feelings about the strength of a person's mind...
i did not attend any of the commencement ceremony so far but merely share the joy via looking at pictures in facebook, it certainly is a great milestone in life for everyone, and every time i think of it, can't help thinking back my life....
and suddenly i realize, because of my mind, or mainly because of it, i've missed so many things in life, i've screwed up so many things in life..
now, looking back too frequent in life alone, is already a problem about my mind, is already something that will hold me back, not counting other factors that worsen it.....
i hate the feeling of being stucked in the middle, i certainly hope that after failing so many times in my past 20 years, i can go all out to achieve something, anything in coming years of my life
i know i'm held back to a great extent, i hate it, i hate myself sometimes, i scold myself because of it....
not long before coming to NUS, 3 years ago, when i sent my car for some servicing and i happened to bump into a classmate who's working there, i learnt a great lesson of life...
let's just hope these 3 miserable weeks will become another "classmate" of mine to teach me another lesson, one that will transcend my life to a higher platform...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
父亲节
这一天，是父亲节。。。。
是朋友提醒了自己，今天是个普天下颂赞父爱伟大的日子。怔了怔，独自沉默了好久，最终拨了个电话回家，说了句“happy father's day”。
其他人看了这一些，或许都觉得不算什么，但是对我来说，算是一份努力，一份心意。生于小康之家的我，父母并没有提供豪华奢侈的生活，但是却让我们三兄妹有个温暖健康且无忧的成长环境。逐渐懂事之后，才发现其实能有今日的安定，当年的父母其实都熬了一段日子，省吃俭用的，才在最近这几年在经济上有了稳定的趋势。
还是传统的亚洲华人吧，我家在生日，双亲节等节日时候，如往常日子一样，并不像其他家庭来个小小的庆祝。长大了，本来并不觉得有何不妥的状况，忽然想来，从前只因环境迫使，父母都避开了不必要的铺张，让我们觉得他们其实并没有当成一回事。
可是想起他们的含辛茹苦，只觉得自己这几年来的漠视实在有愧天地，加上在不久的将来即毕业的自己，更是有一种恨不得开始每个月寄钱回家的感觉。
而这一晚，短短的一句祝贺，我听见父亲的喜悦，也听见自己心里的感动。最近因为“居无定所”，搞得心情一团糟，还是长着他们的鼓励，才又自我整理一番，迎接充满挑战的明天。假期放久了，我还是难免软了下来。
“父亲节快乐”
是朋友提醒了自己，今天是个普天下颂赞父爱伟大的日子。怔了怔，独自沉默了好久，最终拨了个电话回家，说了句“happy father's day”。
其他人看了这一些，或许都觉得不算什么，但是对我来说，算是一份努力，一份心意。生于小康之家的我，父母并没有提供豪华奢侈的生活，但是却让我们三兄妹有个温暖健康且无忧的成长环境。逐渐懂事之后，才发现其实能有今日的安定，当年的父母其实都熬了一段日子，省吃俭用的，才在最近这几年在经济上有了稳定的趋势。
还是传统的亚洲华人吧，我家在生日，双亲节等节日时候，如往常日子一样，并不像其他家庭来个小小的庆祝。长大了，本来并不觉得有何不妥的状况，忽然想来，从前只因环境迫使，父母都避开了不必要的铺张，让我们觉得他们其实并没有当成一回事。
可是想起他们的含辛茹苦，只觉得自己这几年来的漠视实在有愧天地，加上在不久的将来即毕业的自己，更是有一种恨不得开始每个月寄钱回家的感觉。
而这一晚，短短的一句祝贺，我听见父亲的喜悦，也听见自己心里的感动。最近因为“居无定所”，搞得心情一团糟，还是长着他们的鼓励，才又自我整理一番，迎接充满挑战的明天。假期放久了，我还是难免软了下来。
“父亲节快乐”
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sportsmanship?
It's Sudirman Cup 2009 that kept me sticking my butt on the sofa for long hours these few days, grand finale scheduled tomorrow will put an end to it...
it was, however, the match between lee chong wei and lin dan during the semi final today that caught most of my attention throughout the marathon of watching tv..
being ranked world no. 1 and 2, both of them, in my opinion are undoubtedly the best two badminton single players for now. Like everything else, people like to argue about who's the better one between the two. Being a Malaysian, I always favour lee chong wei more than lin dan.
But there's more to that than just supporting fellow Malaysians. I have to agree with some people that, in a certain extent, lin dan is indeed a stronger player. Obviously this can be proved by records of their matches and the world ranking they've had along the way. But that doesn't mean all. After all, lee chong wei, though wasn't able to attract my attention at the beginning, has proven himself an extremely talented badminton player. I'm not the only one who'd agree with the face that, when he's in a good form, lee chong wei possess what it needs to take down lin dan, even though lin dan is a stronger player overall. To me, each and every match between them is not only a competition of skills and stamina, but also about strategy, mental control of nervousness and a lot more, pretty much like a war...
I didn't actually hope lee chong wei would win the match as to me, lin dan can only be taken down by lee at occasions where lee is in a very good form....
Nonetheless, I expected a very good fight from lee. Well it ended up that lee did put up a good show, at least to me, despite some unforgivable mistakes he made. Lin dan had the victory, giving 1 of the points for team of China to proceed to the final match with Korea.
I had a quick glimpse in the internet on the articles about the match, and was so sad to realize the arrogance of some people out there of having the so-called "super dan". Some people just don't understand something as simple as the fact that there's no need to put the whole world at a lower position just to show that you're good. While the rumour of badminton being eliminated in the list of olympic games emerges, team of China shouted loudly they'll "die" for the champion of Sudirman Cup. While supporting the team or the players i like, i remind myself to not forget the spirit of sportsmanship, that all players on court are giving their very best. They put up good performances and celebrate the spirit of sportsmanship. While their skills might be the reason they're categorized, their spirit of sportsmanship should not be differentiated into classes and but should be respected. Something for some coaches and reporters to think about.
it was, however, the match between lee chong wei and lin dan during the semi final today that caught most of my attention throughout the marathon of watching tv..
being ranked world no. 1 and 2, both of them, in my opinion are undoubtedly the best two badminton single players for now. Like everything else, people like to argue about who's the better one between the two. Being a Malaysian, I always favour lee chong wei more than lin dan.
But there's more to that than just supporting fellow Malaysians. I have to agree with some people that, in a certain extent, lin dan is indeed a stronger player. Obviously this can be proved by records of their matches and the world ranking they've had along the way. But that doesn't mean all. After all, lee chong wei, though wasn't able to attract my attention at the beginning, has proven himself an extremely talented badminton player. I'm not the only one who'd agree with the face that, when he's in a good form, lee chong wei possess what it needs to take down lin dan, even though lin dan is a stronger player overall. To me, each and every match between them is not only a competition of skills and stamina, but also about strategy, mental control of nervousness and a lot more, pretty much like a war...
I didn't actually hope lee chong wei would win the match as to me, lin dan can only be taken down by lee at occasions where lee is in a very good form....
Nonetheless, I expected a very good fight from lee. Well it ended up that lee did put up a good show, at least to me, despite some unforgivable mistakes he made. Lin dan had the victory, giving 1 of the points for team of China to proceed to the final match with Korea.
I had a quick glimpse in the internet on the articles about the match, and was so sad to realize the arrogance of some people out there of having the so-called "super dan". Some people just don't understand something as simple as the fact that there's no need to put the whole world at a lower position just to show that you're good. While the rumour of badminton being eliminated in the list of olympic games emerges, team of China shouted loudly they'll "die" for the champion of Sudirman Cup. While supporting the team or the players i like, i remind myself to not forget the spirit of sportsmanship, that all players on court are giving their very best. They put up good performances and celebrate the spirit of sportsmanship. While their skills might be the reason they're categorized, their spirit of sportsmanship should not be differentiated into classes and but should be respected. Something for some coaches and reporters to think about.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
i work very hard to....
i hate to be grey here, i don't like people who read my blog to be scared away, but i'm just grey, and i can't think of anywhere else to go when i'm grey...
i'm pretty simple, you can call me selfish, and i'll just tell you i'm very simple, like my friend always say "semua happy", that's what i want, i always like to join the fun, i always like to see, to hear a lot of people laughing, joking....
not many people understand, i know that, it's not easy to understand, especially i don't take the effort to explain one by one, yeah, i'm lazy, it's my fault that other people don't understand, not a single one....
i'm being too kind? maybe i am, because i care, but no one seems to care...
i'm hungry, i'm tired, i miss home, it's funny for a guy to miss home, but i do miss home, i feel like crying, it's funny for a guy to feel like crying, but i do feel like crying....
it's even funnier when you smile while your tears drop, i thought i'll only see this in movies....
i really hope to make a difference, i really hope to, i really work very hard to, really work very hard to, work very hard to, very hard to.....
people just blame you for staying alone, but no one take the effort to understand, to help, all they know is just to assume, they think they know....
let's jump out of the window, yeah that's funny....
i'm pretty simple, you can call me selfish, and i'll just tell you i'm very simple, like my friend always say "semua happy", that's what i want, i always like to join the fun, i always like to see, to hear a lot of people laughing, joking....
not many people understand, i know that, it's not easy to understand, especially i don't take the effort to explain one by one, yeah, i'm lazy, it's my fault that other people don't understand, not a single one....
i'm being too kind? maybe i am, because i care, but no one seems to care...
i'm hungry, i'm tired, i miss home, it's funny for a guy to miss home, but i do miss home, i feel like crying, it's funny for a guy to feel like crying, but i do feel like crying....
it's even funnier when you smile while your tears drop, i thought i'll only see this in movies....
i really hope to make a difference, i really hope to, i really work very hard to, really work very hard to, work very hard to, very hard to.....
people just blame you for staying alone, but no one take the effort to understand, to help, all they know is just to assume, they think they know....
let's jump out of the window, yeah that's funny....
Friday, April 3, 2009
panic
haven't been sleeping well lately, not really insomnia, but just, not having quality sleep, usually troubled with horrible nightmares, have this whenever i'm troubled with something during daytime....
yeah you can probably guess it's accommodation, not having a room when i come back after vacation 2 months later just give me some uneasy feelings, in fact, i didn't realize the impact was so great just when i received the email, basically lost motivation for all other things.....
i was unprepared for the situation, and i panicked, kept asking myself what to do what to do what to do....
was again parents who comforted me again, or rather reassured me that there'll be no problem supporting me no matter what kinda decisions i'll make...
despite the fact that accommodation is an uncertain issue in times to come, i'm still having few assignments on hand, and yeah, my UROPs presentation, which i have no idea at all how's it gonna be, who's my examiner etc.....this is scary, 6 of us in dept. of physio are gonna present together in different slots? please don't tell me all the examiners will be there watching us, oh god, i hope my boss will remember to read that mail and manage to do something about it?
and probably some people wanna kill me for ending final early this semester, not knowing that my schedule is as packed as hell, 4 papers in 5 days and virtually all memorizing modules?you have no idea man.....
yeah you can probably guess it's accommodation, not having a room when i come back after vacation 2 months later just give me some uneasy feelings, in fact, i didn't realize the impact was so great just when i received the email, basically lost motivation for all other things.....
i was unprepared for the situation, and i panicked, kept asking myself what to do what to do what to do....
was again parents who comforted me again, or rather reassured me that there'll be no problem supporting me no matter what kinda decisions i'll make...
despite the fact that accommodation is an uncertain issue in times to come, i'm still having few assignments on hand, and yeah, my UROPs presentation, which i have no idea at all how's it gonna be, who's my examiner etc.....this is scary, 6 of us in dept. of physio are gonna present together in different slots? please don't tell me all the examiners will be there watching us, oh god, i hope my boss will remember to read that mail and manage to do something about it?
and probably some people wanna kill me for ending final early this semester, not knowing that my schedule is as packed as hell, 4 papers in 5 days and virtually all memorizing modules?you have no idea man.....
Monday, March 30, 2009
国宝
在msn与一名相识多年，小学同学聊天，他感慨，来了岛国工作快一年，始终没有和我碰上一面。。。
虽然有着堂皇的理由，也并不觉得自己刻意的避开与他见面的机会，但就是有那一丝丝的愧疚，从他的口气，我想他也有那么一点的失望吧。。。
我从不敢说自己对朋友的态度是多么的标准，但至少对得起良心，这是我从懂事以来，罕有但非常骄傲的事。人与人的相处，本来就不需要太多的做作吧，倘若你是对我有所不满的，我也并不稀罕你需要强挤着笑容来对我，只会带来反效果，令人作呕
换了新的环境快三年，照理说也应该在这里有了一定的圈子。我也曾经以为是那么一回事，却不知道，也很怀疑，是他乡的风土人情吗？我怎么就觉得身边的朋友，亲切之情一点也没有，让人不寒而栗的倒是数之不尽。。。。
我常说，哪一些能人所不能的，为什么不到娱乐圈发展啊？瞬间变脸的本事，似乎要把国宝的地位从中国移到这里来了。。。
我其实也不应该太在意，再怎么说，“反转猪肚不认人”的人，实在不值哪一点点儿的留恋，我却只是看不顺眼，这世界正义难存，妖孽却当道。。。。
虽然有着堂皇的理由，也并不觉得自己刻意的避开与他见面的机会，但就是有那一丝丝的愧疚，从他的口气，我想他也有那么一点的失望吧。。。
我从不敢说自己对朋友的态度是多么的标准，但至少对得起良心，这是我从懂事以来，罕有但非常骄傲的事。人与人的相处，本来就不需要太多的做作吧，倘若你是对我有所不满的，我也并不稀罕你需要强挤着笑容来对我，只会带来反效果，令人作呕
换了新的环境快三年，照理说也应该在这里有了一定的圈子。我也曾经以为是那么一回事，却不知道，也很怀疑，是他乡的风土人情吗？我怎么就觉得身边的朋友，亲切之情一点也没有，让人不寒而栗的倒是数之不尽。。。。
我常说，哪一些能人所不能的，为什么不到娱乐圈发展啊？瞬间变脸的本事，似乎要把国宝的地位从中国移到这里来了。。。
我其实也不应该太在意，再怎么说，“反转猪肚不认人”的人，实在不值哪一点点儿的留恋，我却只是看不顺眼，这世界正义难存，妖孽却当道。。。。
Saturday, March 28, 2009
funny youngsters
watched a dance performance by NUS students in UCC
i'm not an artistic person, at least i don't think i'm, and that's why some of the items of the show were boring to me, yes the theater is small, and i didn't find it too comfortable sitting after some time, and so the less interesting items sorta half-hypnotized me, but then i must say, i wasn't entirely out of the show, i mean, even though i don't really understand what some of them were about, those erm.....artistic dances, but with sorrow music, together with the artistic moves, i actually felt my emotions got influenced. I suppose those item were trying to show some feelings of despair or frustration, and i did, at some moments, get a little depressed and moody watching those items, i guess after all, music and body language is universal
and just one funny thing that i find myself truly difficult to understand is that, why must the supporters keep their "go XX!" "go XXX!" "go XXXX!" NON STOP throughout the show? ok it's a show by halls of residences, and we all know how spirited they are and why exactly would NUS students, for very few times in their lives be punctual for something, but if their motives are really to support, it makes even no sense to me letting their friends' names out of their mouths with maximum volume
why? to me, what performers want to do on stage are to create "moments", "moments" when the audiences do nothing else, think nothing else, watch nothing else, hear nothing else, feel nothing else but them, their performances. that "moments" could be just a few seconds, maybe even 1, but enough to last for a very very very long time on people's mind if they truly are great
having said that, aren't those funny "go XXXXX!" just like ringtones of handphones in the midst of a movie in the cinema?
unless, of course, that what they want on stage, is not to give the audiences some "moments", but just to enjoy "their moments". Why bother to have it open to public then? funny youngsters nowadays...
i'm not an artistic person, at least i don't think i'm, and that's why some of the items of the show were boring to me, yes the theater is small, and i didn't find it too comfortable sitting after some time, and so the less interesting items sorta half-hypnotized me, but then i must say, i wasn't entirely out of the show, i mean, even though i don't really understand what some of them were about, those erm.....artistic dances, but with sorrow music, together with the artistic moves, i actually felt my emotions got influenced. I suppose those item were trying to show some feelings of despair or frustration, and i did, at some moments, get a little depressed and moody watching those items, i guess after all, music and body language is universal
and just one funny thing that i find myself truly difficult to understand is that, why must the supporters keep their "go XX!" "go XXX!" "go XXXX!" NON STOP throughout the show? ok it's a show by halls of residences, and we all know how spirited they are and why exactly would NUS students, for very few times in their lives be punctual for something, but if their motives are really to support, it makes even no sense to me letting their friends' names out of their mouths with maximum volume
why? to me, what performers want to do on stage are to create "moments", "moments" when the audiences do nothing else, think nothing else, watch nothing else, hear nothing else, feel nothing else but them, their performances. that "moments" could be just a few seconds, maybe even 1, but enough to last for a very very very long time on people's mind if they truly are great
having said that, aren't those funny "go XXXXX!" just like ringtones of handphones in the midst of a movie in the cinema?
unless, of course, that what they want on stage, is not to give the audiences some "moments", but just to enjoy "their moments". Why bother to have it open to public then? funny youngsters nowadays...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
different generation
Though speculations are all around, and the family is fighting for a thorough investigation, the version widely announced by the media to the public is that, the Indonesian 4th year undergraduate in NTU stabbed, slitted and jumped. No conclusion is made on the motive so far but again from the media, it's believed to be due to academic stress. Jusk a week later, a lab officer from the same laboratory, hung himself, with only 5 days being appointed the position.
Few weeks ago i read something interesting in a friend's blog. She was on a bus and kinda heard the conversation between the bus driver and a cleaner working on campus of NUS. The lady, working as a cleaner in NUS, is Johor-ian, who travels back and forth between Johor and Singapore everyday to work, earning less then 1K per month. The driver, a Singaporean, sounds better with 4 digits income. He has a family to feed and a HDB flat to pay, and he works 10 hours a day.
and just today i read another article found in the NUSSU's publication about, again cleaners in NUS. The author describes them as the "unsung heroes", meaning people who contribute a lot, but are unnoticed and unrecognized.
Sometimes when i carry the tray with dishes to the collection point after lunch or dinner at the faculty canteen and look at the cleaners, i tend to imagine if i were one of them, working as a cleaner everyday. I guess, everytime i imagine that, not only me but everyone at the canteen having their meals will feel the same. It's unbearable. All of us, will not choose that in our lives.
Then i thought again, having the capability to choose in that situation, is more than a luxury to them, the cleaners. To put it simple, they don't get to choose. It's very true that without them, NUS, with the massive amount of people utilizing the facilities everyday, would become very much like a public toilet in m'sia. They contribute, no doubt of that, but people like me, or like us, would just not go for it.
What actually differentiate people like us and them such that, a deliberate "NO" to us is a desperate "YES" to some of the extreme cases among them?I couldn't think of anything other than two simple, but pretty much neglected little things, a probably higher range of IQ, and luck.
i remember i asked a funny question to feng ee that i wonder, 20 years later perhaps, will i, as a father, told my son that "you're lucky to be born much later than me, during my time there weren't this there weren't that....", as what my father always tell me....well it'd be interesting if i really get to say that some time in the future, i can't imagine what the world will transform into 20 years later that makes me say that to the next generation...
many might argue that, it's pointless to compare with people of the past generation....well i can't stop them from complaining forever that their lives ain't good enough without this and that, and at the same time i can't deny that the fact that, different generation or not, we're all not so different actually, other than we're luckier....
ok i'm stressed, and i'm writing rubbish to de-stress.....
Few weeks ago i read something interesting in a friend's blog. She was on a bus and kinda heard the conversation between the bus driver and a cleaner working on campus of NUS. The lady, working as a cleaner in NUS, is Johor-ian, who travels back and forth between Johor and Singapore everyday to work, earning less then 1K per month. The driver, a Singaporean, sounds better with 4 digits income. He has a family to feed and a HDB flat to pay, and he works 10 hours a day.
and just today i read another article found in the NUSSU's publication about, again cleaners in NUS. The author describes them as the "unsung heroes", meaning people who contribute a lot, but are unnoticed and unrecognized.
Sometimes when i carry the tray with dishes to the collection point after lunch or dinner at the faculty canteen and look at the cleaners, i tend to imagine if i were one of them, working as a cleaner everyday. I guess, everytime i imagine that, not only me but everyone at the canteen having their meals will feel the same. It's unbearable. All of us, will not choose that in our lives.
Then i thought again, having the capability to choose in that situation, is more than a luxury to them, the cleaners. To put it simple, they don't get to choose. It's very true that without them, NUS, with the massive amount of people utilizing the facilities everyday, would become very much like a public toilet in m'sia. They contribute, no doubt of that, but people like me, or like us, would just not go for it.
What actually differentiate people like us and them such that, a deliberate "NO" to us is a desperate "YES" to some of the extreme cases among them?I couldn't think of anything other than two simple, but pretty much neglected little things, a probably higher range of IQ, and luck.
i remember i asked a funny question to feng ee that i wonder, 20 years later perhaps, will i, as a father, told my son that "you're lucky to be born much later than me, during my time there weren't this there weren't that....", as what my father always tell me....well it'd be interesting if i really get to say that some time in the future, i can't imagine what the world will transform into 20 years later that makes me say that to the next generation...
many might argue that, it's pointless to compare with people of the past generation....well i can't stop them from complaining forever that their lives ain't good enough without this and that, and at the same time i can't deny that the fact that, different generation or not, we're all not so different actually, other than we're luckier....
ok i'm stressed, and i'm writing rubbish to de-stress.....
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i hope
a sleepless night, after so long, here i am having another sleepless night
lied on the bed for an hour, couldn't stop thinking and thinking and thinking but just, couldn't start to fall asleep
how many sleepless nights i've had in NUS so far?probably not many, i could still recall those few, mostly because of academic stress i must say, tonight though, is a little different
yeah i'm still troubled with stupid report and assignments and tests, but beyond those, a lot more things in my life popped up during the last hour, and well, they reminded me that, i have a life!i have a life which is not just about report, assignments and tests
i thought about my family, my dad who's already retired, i hope he'll enjoy his life very much from this moment till the day he smiles and closes his eyes, my mum who's got 8 more years of teaching, i hope she'll learn to relax and enjoy her life more and take a slower pace in life, i hope soon, very soon i can have the ability to tell them that, together with my brother and sister, they can live their lives without anymore worries
i thought about my 1 year younger brother, i hope he'll be successful in going after the girl he likes as he told me, i hope he'll find his meaning and target of life one day, i hope he'll one day learn that, live life once and live for himself
i thought about my 3 years younger sister, i hope she will treasure everything in her relationship with the bf, i hope she'll find her current course of study non-regretting, i hope she'll quarell less with me, and learn the fact that after all, we're not so different
i thought of my loved one, i thought of how she used to be so much of a distance from me, i thought of how i acted like an idiot in front of everyone else just to make her notice me, i thought of how i stayed up during the midnight just because i haven't said good night to her in msn, i thought of the sweetness throughout the times we spent, i thought of the fights, disagreements, disappointments that almost tore us apart so many times, i thought of how she offers her silent support, i thought of how i offer my endless councellings, i hope, and i alway hope, that she can be a happier, much happier person, i hope that she'll also realize that, she has the right to reject, or even make disappear, all the unwanted in her life, i hope she realizes that, there are always so many people who love her
i thought about my friends, i thought of him who's soon graduating from UM, i hope, this time for myself, that i will never forget what he has done for me during my disastrous year of life, i enjoy being with him and having reminded of all the years when we were so naive, so innocent yet so sincere, so genuine and so happy, i hope that even after 10 years, 20 years, everytime i meet him again, we'll both be reminded of the years we spent together, when our heart remained uncontaminated
i thought of him who's studying in the same university with me, i thought of how rare we contacted each other, i thought of how he always describe me as a friend who think for others first, i thought of how he offered himself for support when i was rejected by a girl for the first time, i hope he won't blame me for not spending more time with him, given the fact that we're so close together even now, i hope he won't blame me that i don't think of him so often now simply because i've got so many things to handle that i hardly think of even myself, i hope my image of always think for others first in his mind will stay permanent, at least until the time when, i'm going to prove him again he's right
i thought of him who's working but enjoying the same time far at the other corner of the globe, i thought of how we share our dreams all along the years, i thought of how we dislike and then embrace each others' dark spots, i thought of how he witnesses my maturation, and how i witness his maturation, i hope, in fact i'm sure he will find his year spent in a white people's country worth for a life time, i hope, since he's already sure of what he wants for life, that he will eventually, reach up there, and look back at me, still sharing that with me
i thought of a whole gang of mine, all of them taken their own journey, i thought of how some of them showed me the face of looking at strangers when they saw me again after some time before we all embarked on our journey, i thought of how some of them still try their best to hold on, and will continue to hold on to what all of us possess, i hope for successes in their lives, i hope those who hold on will continue to hold tight, those who chose to let go, will change their minds someday
Friday, January 23, 2009
dillemma
i didn't prepare to blog even until the moment i clicked at "new post", just, i know i have been trying very hard to, but hardly, over the month, i could force myself to even log in to dashboard...
blame my lab, or blame myself maybe, the last or only thing i remember doing was trying hard to work as much as i can to produce at least a piece or two presentable results for the long awaited report, i shouldn't call it long awaited, it's the "best" part of the whole project, and probably the most agonizing part man.....
ok i admit i still don't have results yet, and one and a half more month to submission, great, that's just a perfect reason for me to panic, so yeah, i've started introduction, and just the right moment for me to realize the amount of things that i don't know is astounding, great, and i'm rushing through papers, well to be exact, abstracts to locate information and citation i need for my report, in case you wonder, that's not the end, it's a need for me to read up more on stuff i've been working on, reagents and protocols i've been using, so that i can answer examiners' question during presentation, and yeah, all of those will have to be done within one and a half month, how wonderful is this world....
ok i've been sarcastic enough to just release a little bit of stress.....here comes the updates, taking 3 core modules and 1 unrestricted elective, cardiopulmonary system, neurobiology, infectious disease as well as drugs and society, heavy memory work is expected in cardio and infectious disease, nonetheless medical relevance is what makes me feel modules worth taking, neurobiology is a little bit more interesting, apparrently i take it largely because the co ordinator is my boss, however the degree of self learning the module provokes is somehow comparable to biochemistry during first year to me, interesting module.....well drugs and society is nothing worth mentioning here, it's just another module to fill up the slot for me to graduate
while others are navigating around to look for professor as supervisor of final year project, i was so obsessed with my urops until i dream of it almost every night, most of them nightmares, and i didn't bother much about the question as to whether i should stay in the lab for final year project, for all the while i expected my boss to have no interest in keeping me any longer in the lab after my urops is over, after all, i'm not a top student in class, i'm not a brilliant researcher in the lab, i'm not even a super hardworking labour in his lab....
was more than shocked when he somehow hinted me about one of the 3 positions of final year student in his lab, there're obvious reasons of staying in his lab, grants, popularity, stability, familiarity of the lab environment as well as the project, but there're also reasons why i wouldn't prefer the lab all the while, so it sorta put me into dillemma now that he's made the first move, an unusual but obviously precious move to a nothing special student like me, considering the degree of distance i have compared to him in terms of status....
blame my lab, or blame myself maybe, the last or only thing i remember doing was trying hard to work as much as i can to produce at least a piece or two presentable results for the long awaited report, i shouldn't call it long awaited, it's the "best" part of the whole project, and probably the most agonizing part man.....
ok i admit i still don't have results yet, and one and a half more month to submission, great, that's just a perfect reason for me to panic, so yeah, i've started introduction, and just the right moment for me to realize the amount of things that i don't know is astounding, great, and i'm rushing through papers, well to be exact, abstracts to locate information and citation i need for my report, in case you wonder, that's not the end, it's a need for me to read up more on stuff i've been working on, reagents and protocols i've been using, so that i can answer examiners' question during presentation, and yeah, all of those will have to be done within one and a half month, how wonderful is this world....
ok i've been sarcastic enough to just release a little bit of stress.....here comes the updates, taking 3 core modules and 1 unrestricted elective, cardiopulmonary system, neurobiology, infectious disease as well as drugs and society, heavy memory work is expected in cardio and infectious disease, nonetheless medical relevance is what makes me feel modules worth taking, neurobiology is a little bit more interesting, apparrently i take it largely because the co ordinator is my boss, however the degree of self learning the module provokes is somehow comparable to biochemistry during first year to me, interesting module.....well drugs and society is nothing worth mentioning here, it's just another module to fill up the slot for me to graduate
while others are navigating around to look for professor as supervisor of final year project, i was so obsessed with my urops until i dream of it almost every night, most of them nightmares, and i didn't bother much about the question as to whether i should stay in the lab for final year project, for all the while i expected my boss to have no interest in keeping me any longer in the lab after my urops is over, after all, i'm not a top student in class, i'm not a brilliant researcher in the lab, i'm not even a super hardworking labour in his lab....
was more than shocked when he somehow hinted me about one of the 3 positions of final year student in his lab, there're obvious reasons of staying in his lab, grants, popularity, stability, familiarity of the lab environment as well as the project, but there're also reasons why i wouldn't prefer the lab all the while, so it sorta put me into dillemma now that he's made the first move, an unusual but obviously precious move to a nothing special student like me, considering the degree of distance i have compared to him in terms of status....
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