dillemma

i didn't prepare to blog even until the moment i clicked at "new post", just, i know i have been trying very hard to, but hardly, over the month, i could force myself to even log in to dashboard...
blame my lab, or blame myself maybe, the last or only thing i remember doing was trying hard to work as much as i can to produce at least a piece or two presentable results for the long awaited report, i shouldn't call it long awaited, it's the "best" part of the whole project, and probably the most agonizing part man.....
ok i admit i still don't have results yet, and one and a half more month to submission, great, that's just a perfect reason for me to panic, so yeah, i've started introduction, and just the right moment for me to realize the amount of things that i don't know is astounding, great, and i'm rushing through papers, well to be exact, abstracts to locate information and citation i need for my report, in case you wonder, that's not the end, it's a need for me to read up more on stuff i've been working on, reagents and protocols i've been using, so that i can answer examiners' question during presentation, and yeah, all of those will have to be done within one and a half month, how wonderful is this world....
ok i've been sarcastic enough to just release a little bit of stress.....here comes the updates, taking 3 core modules and 1 unrestricted elective, cardiopulmonary system, neurobiology, infectious disease as well as drugs and society, heavy memory work is expected in cardio and infectious disease, nonetheless medical relevance is what makes me feel modules worth taking, neurobiology is a little bit more interesting, apparrently i take it largely because the co ordinator is my boss, however the degree of self learning the module provokes is somehow comparable to biochemistry during first year to me, interesting module.....well drugs and society is nothing worth mentioning here, it's just another module to fill up the slot for me to graduate
while others are navigating around to look for professor as supervisor of final year project, i was so obsessed with my urops until i dream of it almost every night, most of them nightmares, and i didn't bother much about the question as to whether i should stay in the lab for final year project, for all the while i expected my boss to have no interest in keeping me any longer in the lab after my urops is over, after all, i'm not a top student in class, i'm not a brilliant researcher in the lab, i'm not even a super hardworking labour in his lab....
was more than shocked when he somehow hinted me about one of the 3 positions of final year student in his lab, there're obvious reasons of staying in his lab, grants, popularity, stability, familiarity of the lab environment as well as the project, but there're also reasons why i wouldn't prefer the lab all the while, so it sorta put me into dillemma now that he's made the first move, an unusual but obviously precious move to a nothing special student like me, considering the degree of distance i have compared to him in terms of status....