i hope

a sleepless night, after so long, here i am having another sleepless night
lied on the bed for an hour, couldn't stop thinking and thinking and thinking but just, couldn't start to fall asleep
how many sleepless nights i've had in NUS so far?probably not many, i could still recall those few, mostly because of academic stress i must say, tonight though, is a little different
yeah i'm still troubled with stupid report and assignments and tests, but beyond those, a lot more things in my life popped up during the last hour, and well, they reminded me that, i have a life!i have a life which is not just about report, assignments and tests
i thought about my family, my dad who's already retired, i hope he'll enjoy his life very much from this moment till the day he smiles and closes his eyes, my mum who's got 8 more years of teaching, i hope she'll learn to relax and enjoy her life more and take a slower pace in life, i hope soon, very soon i can have the ability to tell them that, together with my brother and sister, they can live their lives without anymore worries
i thought about my 1 year younger brother, i hope he'll be successful in going after the girl he likes as he told me, i hope he'll find his meaning and target of life one day, i hope he'll one day learn that, live life once and live for himself
i thought about my 3 years younger sister, i hope she will treasure everything in her relationship with the bf, i hope she'll find her current course of study non-regretting, i hope she'll quarell less with me, and learn the fact that after all, we're not so different
i thought of my loved one, i thought of how she used to be so much of a distance from me, i thought of how i acted like an idiot in front of everyone else just to make her notice me, i thought of how i stayed up during the midnight just because i haven't said good night to her in msn, i thought of the sweetness throughout the times we spent, i thought of the fights, disagreements, disappointments that almost tore us apart so many times, i thought of how she offers her silent support, i thought of how i offer my endless councellings, i hope, and i alway hope, that she can be a happier, much happier person, i hope that she'll also realize that, she has the right to reject, or even make disappear, all the unwanted in her life, i hope she realizes that, there are always so many people who love her
i thought about my friends, i thought of him who's soon graduating from UM, i hope, this time for myself, that i will never forget what he has done for me during my disastrous year of life, i enjoy being with him and having reminded of all the years when we were so naive, so innocent yet so sincere, so genuine and so happy, i hope that even after 10 years, 20 years, everytime i meet him again, we'll both be reminded of the years we spent together, when our heart remained uncontaminated
i thought of him who's studying in the same university with me, i thought of how rare we contacted each other, i thought of how he always describe me as a friend who think for others first, i thought of how he offered himself for support when i was rejected by a girl for the first time, i hope he won't blame me for not spending more time with him, given the fact that we're so close together even now, i hope he won't blame me that i don't think of him so often now simply because i've got so many things to handle that i hardly think of even myself, i hope my image of always think for others first in his mind will stay permanent, at least until the time when, i'm going to prove him again he's right
i thought of him who's working but enjoying the same time far at the other corner of the globe, i thought of how we share our dreams all along the years, i thought of how we dislike and then embrace each others' dark spots, i thought of how he witnesses my maturation, and how i witness his maturation, i hope, in fact i'm sure he will find his year spent in a white people's country worth for a life time, i hope, since he's already sure of what he wants for life, that he will eventually, reach up there, and look back at me, still sharing that with me
i thought of a whole gang of mine, all of them taken their own journey, i thought of how some of them showed me the face of looking at strangers when they saw me again after some time before we all embarked on our journey, i thought of how some of them still try their best to hold on, and will continue to hold on to what all of us possess, i hope for successes in their lives, i hope those who hold on will continue to hold tight, those who chose to let go, will change their minds someday