在msn与一名相识多年，小学同学聊天，他感慨，来了岛国工作快一年，始终没有和我碰上一面。。。
虽然有着堂皇的理由，也并不觉得自己刻意的避开与他见面的机会，但就是有那一丝丝的愧疚，从他的口气，我想他也有那么一点的失望吧。。。
我从不敢说自己对朋友的态度是多么的标准，但至少对得起良心，这是我从懂事以来，罕有但非常骄傲的事。人与人的相处，本来就不需要太多的做作吧，倘若你是对我有所不满的，我也并不稀罕你需要强挤着笑容来对我，只会带来反效果，令人作呕
换了新的环境快三年，照理说也应该在这里有了一定的圈子。我也曾经以为是那么一回事，却不知道，也很怀疑，是他乡的风土人情吗？我怎么就觉得身边的朋友，亲切之情一点也没有，让人不寒而栗的倒是数之不尽。。。。
我常说，哪一些能人所不能的，为什么不到娱乐圈发展啊？瞬间变脸的本事，似乎要把国宝的地位从中国移到这里来了。。。
我其实也不应该太在意，再怎么说，“反转猪肚不认人”的人，实在不值哪一点点儿的留恋，我却只是看不顺眼，这世界正义难存，妖孽却当道。。。。
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
funny youngsters
watched a dance performance by NUS students in UCC
i'm not an artistic person, at least i don't think i'm, and that's why some of the items of the show were boring to me, yes the theater is small, and i didn't find it too comfortable sitting after some time, and so the less interesting items sorta half-hypnotized me, but then i must say, i wasn't entirely out of the show, i mean, even though i don't really understand what some of them were about, those erm.....artistic dances, but with sorrow music, together with the artistic moves, i actually felt my emotions got influenced. I suppose those item were trying to show some feelings of despair or frustration, and i did, at some moments, get a little depressed and moody watching those items, i guess after all, music and body language is universal
and just one funny thing that i find myself truly difficult to understand is that, why must the supporters keep their "go XX!" "go XXX!" "go XXXX!" NON STOP throughout the show? ok it's a show by halls of residences, and we all know how spirited they are and why exactly would NUS students, for very few times in their lives be punctual for something, but if their motives are really to support, it makes even no sense to me letting their friends' names out of their mouths with maximum volume
why? to me, what performers want to do on stage are to create "moments", "moments" when the audiences do nothing else, think nothing else, watch nothing else, hear nothing else, feel nothing else but them, their performances. that "moments" could be just a few seconds, maybe even 1, but enough to last for a very very very long time on people's mind if they truly are great
having said that, aren't those funny "go XXXXX!" just like ringtones of handphones in the midst of a movie in the cinema?
unless, of course, that what they want on stage, is not to give the audiences some "moments", but just to enjoy "their moments". Why bother to have it open to public then? funny youngsters nowadays...
i'm not an artistic person, at least i don't think i'm, and that's why some of the items of the show were boring to me, yes the theater is small, and i didn't find it too comfortable sitting after some time, and so the less interesting items sorta half-hypnotized me, but then i must say, i wasn't entirely out of the show, i mean, even though i don't really understand what some of them were about, those erm.....artistic dances, but with sorrow music, together with the artistic moves, i actually felt my emotions got influenced. I suppose those item were trying to show some feelings of despair or frustration, and i did, at some moments, get a little depressed and moody watching those items, i guess after all, music and body language is universal
and just one funny thing that i find myself truly difficult to understand is that, why must the supporters keep their "go XX!" "go XXX!" "go XXXX!" NON STOP throughout the show? ok it's a show by halls of residences, and we all know how spirited they are and why exactly would NUS students, for very few times in their lives be punctual for something, but if their motives are really to support, it makes even no sense to me letting their friends' names out of their mouths with maximum volume
why? to me, what performers want to do on stage are to create "moments", "moments" when the audiences do nothing else, think nothing else, watch nothing else, hear nothing else, feel nothing else but them, their performances. that "moments" could be just a few seconds, maybe even 1, but enough to last for a very very very long time on people's mind if they truly are great
having said that, aren't those funny "go XXXXX!" just like ringtones of handphones in the midst of a movie in the cinema?
unless, of course, that what they want on stage, is not to give the audiences some "moments", but just to enjoy "their moments". Why bother to have it open to public then? funny youngsters nowadays...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
different generation
Though speculations are all around, and the family is fighting for a thorough investigation, the version widely announced by the media to the public is that, the Indonesian 4th year undergraduate in NTU stabbed, slitted and jumped. No conclusion is made on the motive so far but again from the media, it's believed to be due to academic stress. Jusk a week later, a lab officer from the same laboratory, hung himself, with only 5 days being appointed the position.
Few weeks ago i read something interesting in a friend's blog. She was on a bus and kinda heard the conversation between the bus driver and a cleaner working on campus of NUS. The lady, working as a cleaner in NUS, is Johor-ian, who travels back and forth between Johor and Singapore everyday to work, earning less then 1K per month. The driver, a Singaporean, sounds better with 4 digits income. He has a family to feed and a HDB flat to pay, and he works 10 hours a day.
and just today i read another article found in the NUSSU's publication about, again cleaners in NUS. The author describes them as the "unsung heroes", meaning people who contribute a lot, but are unnoticed and unrecognized.
Sometimes when i carry the tray with dishes to the collection point after lunch or dinner at the faculty canteen and look at the cleaners, i tend to imagine if i were one of them, working as a cleaner everyday. I guess, everytime i imagine that, not only me but everyone at the canteen having their meals will feel the same. It's unbearable. All of us, will not choose that in our lives.
Then i thought again, having the capability to choose in that situation, is more than a luxury to them, the cleaners. To put it simple, they don't get to choose. It's very true that without them, NUS, with the massive amount of people utilizing the facilities everyday, would become very much like a public toilet in m'sia. They contribute, no doubt of that, but people like me, or like us, would just not go for it.
What actually differentiate people like us and them such that, a deliberate "NO" to us is a desperate "YES" to some of the extreme cases among them?I couldn't think of anything other than two simple, but pretty much neglected little things, a probably higher range of IQ, and luck.
i remember i asked a funny question to feng ee that i wonder, 20 years later perhaps, will i, as a father, told my son that "you're lucky to be born much later than me, during my time there weren't this there weren't that....", as what my father always tell me....well it'd be interesting if i really get to say that some time in the future, i can't imagine what the world will transform into 20 years later that makes me say that to the next generation...
many might argue that, it's pointless to compare with people of the past generation....well i can't stop them from complaining forever that their lives ain't good enough without this and that, and at the same time i can't deny that the fact that, different generation or not, we're all not so different actually, other than we're luckier....
ok i'm stressed, and i'm writing rubbish to de-stress.....
Few weeks ago i read something interesting in a friend's blog. She was on a bus and kinda heard the conversation between the bus driver and a cleaner working on campus of NUS. The lady, working as a cleaner in NUS, is Johor-ian, who travels back and forth between Johor and Singapore everyday to work, earning less then 1K per month. The driver, a Singaporean, sounds better with 4 digits income. He has a family to feed and a HDB flat to pay, and he works 10 hours a day.
and just today i read another article found in the NUSSU's publication about, again cleaners in NUS. The author describes them as the "unsung heroes", meaning people who contribute a lot, but are unnoticed and unrecognized.
Sometimes when i carry the tray with dishes to the collection point after lunch or dinner at the faculty canteen and look at the cleaners, i tend to imagine if i were one of them, working as a cleaner everyday. I guess, everytime i imagine that, not only me but everyone at the canteen having their meals will feel the same. It's unbearable. All of us, will not choose that in our lives.
Then i thought again, having the capability to choose in that situation, is more than a luxury to them, the cleaners. To put it simple, they don't get to choose. It's very true that without them, NUS, with the massive amount of people utilizing the facilities everyday, would become very much like a public toilet in m'sia. They contribute, no doubt of that, but people like me, or like us, would just not go for it.
What actually differentiate people like us and them such that, a deliberate "NO" to us is a desperate "YES" to some of the extreme cases among them?I couldn't think of anything other than two simple, but pretty much neglected little things, a probably higher range of IQ, and luck.
i remember i asked a funny question to feng ee that i wonder, 20 years later perhaps, will i, as a father, told my son that "you're lucky to be born much later than me, during my time there weren't this there weren't that....", as what my father always tell me....well it'd be interesting if i really get to say that some time in the future, i can't imagine what the world will transform into 20 years later that makes me say that to the next generation...
many might argue that, it's pointless to compare with people of the past generation....well i can't stop them from complaining forever that their lives ain't good enough without this and that, and at the same time i can't deny that the fact that, different generation or not, we're all not so different actually, other than we're luckier....
ok i'm stressed, and i'm writing rubbish to de-stress.....
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i hope
a sleepless night, after so long, here i am having another sleepless night
lied on the bed for an hour, couldn't stop thinking and thinking and thinking but just, couldn't start to fall asleep
how many sleepless nights i've had in NUS so far?probably not many, i could still recall those few, mostly because of academic stress i must say, tonight though, is a little different
yeah i'm still troubled with stupid report and assignments and tests, but beyond those, a lot more things in my life popped up during the last hour, and well, they reminded me that, i have a life!i have a life which is not just about report, assignments and tests
i thought about my family, my dad who's already retired, i hope he'll enjoy his life very much from this moment till the day he smiles and closes his eyes, my mum who's got 8 more years of teaching, i hope she'll learn to relax and enjoy her life more and take a slower pace in life, i hope soon, very soon i can have the ability to tell them that, together with my brother and sister, they can live their lives without anymore worries
i thought about my 1 year younger brother, i hope he'll be successful in going after the girl he likes as he told me, i hope he'll find his meaning and target of life one day, i hope he'll one day learn that, live life once and live for himself
i thought about my 3 years younger sister, i hope she will treasure everything in her relationship with the bf, i hope she'll find her current course of study non-regretting, i hope she'll quarell less with me, and learn the fact that after all, we're not so different
i thought of my loved one, i thought of how she used to be so much of a distance from me, i thought of how i acted like an idiot in front of everyone else just to make her notice me, i thought of how i stayed up during the midnight just because i haven't said good night to her in msn, i thought of the sweetness throughout the times we spent, i thought of the fights, disagreements, disappointments that almost tore us apart so many times, i thought of how she offers her silent support, i thought of how i offer my endless councellings, i hope, and i alway hope, that she can be a happier, much happier person, i hope that she'll also realize that, she has the right to reject, or even make disappear, all the unwanted in her life, i hope she realizes that, there are always so many people who love her
i thought about my friends, i thought of him who's soon graduating from UM, i hope, this time for myself, that i will never forget what he has done for me during my disastrous year of life, i enjoy being with him and having reminded of all the years when we were so naive, so innocent yet so sincere, so genuine and so happy, i hope that even after 10 years, 20 years, everytime i meet him again, we'll both be reminded of the years we spent together, when our heart remained uncontaminated
i thought of him who's studying in the same university with me, i thought of how rare we contacted each other, i thought of how he always describe me as a friend who think for others first, i thought of how he offered himself for support when i was rejected by a girl for the first time, i hope he won't blame me for not spending more time with him, given the fact that we're so close together even now, i hope he won't blame me that i don't think of him so often now simply because i've got so many things to handle that i hardly think of even myself, i hope my image of always think for others first in his mind will stay permanent, at least until the time when, i'm going to prove him again he's right
i thought of him who's working but enjoying the same time far at the other corner of the globe, i thought of how we share our dreams all along the years, i thought of how we dislike and then embrace each others' dark spots, i thought of how he witnesses my maturation, and how i witness his maturation, i hope, in fact i'm sure he will find his year spent in a white people's country worth for a life time, i hope, since he's already sure of what he wants for life, that he will eventually, reach up there, and look back at me, still sharing that with me
i thought of a whole gang of mine, all of them taken their own journey, i thought of how some of them showed me the face of looking at strangers when they saw me again after some time before we all embarked on our journey, i thought of how some of them still try their best to hold on, and will continue to hold on to what all of us possess, i hope for successes in their lives, i hope those who hold on will continue to hold tight, those who chose to let go, will change their minds someday
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