farewell

captured at school

the outgoing batch of 6th form comms...

with beloved teacher advisors

the outgoing and incoming presidents

the organizing chairlady of the farewell gathering

it's really more than just a nice feeling for me, it's more than that.....
it's nothing more than just a visit back to school, to my beloved teachers, more like friends now, little did i expect it to turn out to be a fruitful experience, memories recalling one indeed, and my mind is so occupied even until now....
being the comm. of year 04/05, it's really an honour for me, to be one of the few who had the opportunity to attend the farewell dinner organized exclusively for comm. of year 07/08, more than 3 years younger than us, i'll bet none of the juniors actually recognized who we are.....
i was informed about the successes of the society by the teachers and was really keen to see for myself, so when pn lau mentioned about the farewell, i didn't really think much but straightaway asked if my attendance is allowed, well it ended up i had a great night, bringing me back lots and lots of things in my mind that i once thought it's long lost.....
i seldom have the feeling of envious, being a young person, it's always a nature for me to look forward, but rarely backward, last night was one of the very few events in my life that would make me do so.....
my life has changed tremendously after 6th form, the feelings in my heart, the thinking in my mind were all replaced to survive in new environments since then, i thought the old ones were nowhere to be found anymore, i thought i'd lost the old me, but it's nothing more than just a farewell dinner that located the olds back, somewhere deep in my mind, deep in my heart.....
yes, i envy the young people at the party, i was once like one of them, and i miss being one of them, there were things other than friendship that reminded me feelings buried in my subconscious, living with a close group of friends, i know i can never go back again....
i'm never the same old me, i realize that by being so sober, despite all the feelings popped out all of a sudden in just one night, i was shocked, and yes i was unprepared, yet i remained calm and also with a clear mind, that's what, differentiate the old and the new me now.....
things will never be the same, will never go back to the old days, nonetheless, i feel sincerely grateful for the golden opportunity, it's fated somehow, i know, and i'm thankful for it, really.

i'm home

this is the third time I’m blogging in the bus while going home and guess what, I’m starting to like it, for no reasons….
I guess it’s not entirely without reasons, there’s no doubt that I’m definitely in a good mood whenever I’m travelling home, unless there’s something unexpected which require me to go back, other than that, going home from time to time somehow symbolizes a transition from a stage of life to another, it may not be a big one, probably from semester 3 to semester 4, things like that, but I’m a person who look back quite often if you wonder, and times like this are pretty handful for me to do some feedback on things that I’d done, words that I’d given to others, etc….
Well at least for this time, there’s some changes before and after I go home from university, when I go back to NUS again, a lot of friends are no longer staying in hostel but rather, outside…well I definitely am feeling lucky to be the one of the few survivors, nonetheless having so many people to have left the place where we used to stay together is somehow saddening, I can’t tell the exact feeling now, it’s not yet happening, i’m probably just preparing mentally, after all, changes, is the essence of life…..
Another transition at this stage is, when I go back again, I’ll be involved in some sort of student research programme, I can’t call it as a research programme exactly, I’m probably just helping out here and there in a academic research laboratory, taking a baby step in the real research arena, it’s significant though, as without the baby step, I wouldn’t know when, or even if I will ever be involved in this arena anymore….it certainly has brought me some excitements and I must admit that I’m looking forward to it, it’s just that at the same time, life will never be the same again, my schedule will be packed, and I guess I have a new priority in my daily life, or you can call it a short term goal in life…..
The taxi driver who drove me from PGP to boon lay place was a malay guy, and a very talkative person, though I half suspected that he did that purposely to earn more taxi fare from me by taking a few extra rounds, anyway not talking about that, he did tell me something that I hear from Singaporeans very very rarely, and he’s actually a Singaporean….
I’ve heard Singaporeans complaining their government, from public policies to public transport systems, well that’s a norm, but this guy just now, said something that, I actually have them in my mind, and for once I thought I was the only one who had it…..
“Singaporeans don’t actually earn anything, their assets are 0s, what the foreigners see are just the cover, those who realize this are Singaporeans who look into the content of the book”, to quote the uncle…..
For a very long time I insisted that I will earn enough money by working in Singapore and return home, by utilizing the exchange rate of Sing dollar to RM, I should be able to conduct a decent life….
Well how much is enough? How long is enough? And you really are willing to accept salaries in Malaysia after getting payed Sing dollar for years?
Questions by questions they come like tsunami, both in mind and also from friends’ mouths, for I always think that, to earn sing dollar in order to buy a car and a house in Singapore, is somehow not so practical, something like, you earn and you spend it, nothing left in your pocket…..
After 2 years being in Singapore, I don’t know how strong still this mindset is in my thinking, and life is getting busier that this topic is rarely raised up, until today when the uncle talked about it, honestly, I was actually happy to have someone who share the same view with me, although I didn’t tell him what I thought, but I guess I’m not totally a freak after all, that someone actually have the same opinion as I do, lol…….
1 more month of vacation in hometown, and here comes a new life, partially maybe….

malaysians

Malaysians, our identities, how I wish that one day, I can tell others, Malaysians are undivided, regardless of skin colours, and we are proud of the unity

home

it's almost a month after my last paper early May, and i barely had any mental preparation to admit that, largely because, as usual, i honestly have no idea what'd i done so far....
it's the first time for me to not go home for such a long time, guess it's almost 4 months already, and deep in my heart i can sense the desperation of going home, and the feeling is getting stronger and stronger, though i know, there won't be much for me as years pass, friends back in hometown are getting lesser, most of them are busy in university, but home, is all i need now.....
i know there's another person who is as homesick as i am, there's very little thing i can do other than just try to be with her as much time as i can, 3 months vacation is long, not necessary a good thing, the longer you have, the more commitment you need to make, the more stuff you need to take care of.....
as one grows older, the vacation in life gets shorter, a saying in spiderman movie, with great power comes great responsibilities, well we're not superheroes, but as we grow older, no doubt our abilities get upgraded gradually, and everyone has a destiny to fulfil, yeah, destiny, this word doesn't only apply to great people, but to every ordinary people like you and me...
the topic gets dragged too far, there's still a couple of weeks before my scheduled plan of going home, i shall look forward to the day of going home.....