毕业

最后一张考卷叫上之后，嘴角不听话的向上扬，才惊觉原来一直以为没什么大不了的毕业，那一份成就感还是在心中有一定的分量。乘巴士离开校园的时候，从窗外看着校园的一草一木，我竟然有强烈且莫名的感动，不到五分钟的时间，巴士快速驶过这熟悉却即将变得陌生的地方，感触油然而生，有故事的地方，有感情的地方，说什么也有点不舍得。
一整个晚上都精神得很，心里更有形容不了的感觉，怪怪的，完全无法想象。
又放假了，可是，假期完了之后，却再也不需要再回到学校了，再也不需要上课了，再也不需要交作业了，再也不需要考试了，原来，奇怪的感觉，源自于此。
四年的光阴，在完全没有心理准备的情形下，在眼前一晃就过，断没有回头的可能。这才醒觉，毕业两个字，无论看起来是多么的理所当然，当真正出现在眼前，还是生命中的一件大事。
八个学期，八个长假，八个截然不同的心情。第一个长假，完全逃避的心态，恨不得从此与这个地方脱离关系。第二个长假，少了逃避，多了珍惜，三个月过得还真颓废。第三个长假，第一次因为社团舍弃假期，第一次体验宿舍的孤单。第四个长假，挣扎的打工，却不醒觉自己身在福中不知福。第五个长假，躲在实验室里打混，做一些到今天都看不见价值的无聊事。第六个长假，一半的时间陪着家人，令一半的时间尝试在下决心欲苦工向科学研究宣战。第七个长假，宣战失败之余，成了研究的奴隶。最后一个长假，就在眼前。
或许是过去两个月是在太过忙碌，骤然间的终止，人像断了线的风筝，为自由感到兴奋之余，却带有一丝丝的不安，不知道会飘向何处。
生命里没有理所当然，纵使经过了那么多的痛，我感恩于自己今天的成绩，断线后的风筝，着陆之后，将摇身一变，成为尘世间又一个为日子打拼的小点。

it's heavy

standing in MPSH1 that morning with my poster, i looked out from the window and thought, 4 years ago, i was sitting in this very place, taking qualifying english test, while most of my peers that time was so anxious about it, i was anxious too, for a different reason. I still remember how a lot of them tried very hard to pass it, all i was thinking while answering questions was to hope that it wouldn't rain so that i can go sentosa later in the afternoon for fun.....how playful, and i still haven't changed till today....
and 4 years later, i was standing there defending what i've done for the past one year, looking out of the window again, as i did anxiously 4 years ago, there's no more excitement from sentosa for me to look forward to, what remain in front of me are no longer exciting, it's what you call growing up
i try hard to smile, and to be positive, to relax, to let go, to be distracted, but deep in my heart, late in the night, i can't deny the fact that the overwhelming stress hasn't gone away, i'm still feeling the burden, every night before sleep i just can't help but fighting hard with emotions, i am now....
life can be tough at times, in fact it is getting tough for me now, i'm not really sure if the peak is over, sometimes you don't need to have something physical in front of you to feel the obstacles in your life, and the things that stop you most are not physical
let's just call it another night, let's just say that no matter how happy it seem to be for the whole day, the true emotions just choose to reveal themselves times like now