it's heavy

standing in MPSH1 that morning with my poster, i looked out from the window and thought, 4 years ago, i was sitting in this very place, taking qualifying english test, while most of my peers that time was so anxious about it, i was anxious too, for a different reason. I still remember how a lot of them tried very hard to pass it, all i was thinking while answering questions was to hope that it wouldn't rain so that i can go sentosa later in the afternoon for fun.....how playful, and i still haven't changed till today....
and 4 years later, i was standing there defending what i've done for the past one year, looking out of the window again, as i did anxiously 4 years ago, there's no more excitement from sentosa for me to look forward to, what remain in front of me are no longer exciting, it's what you call growing up
i try hard to smile, and to be positive, to relax, to let go, to be distracted, but deep in my heart, late in the night, i can't deny the fact that the overwhelming stress hasn't gone away, i'm still feeling the burden, every night before sleep i just can't help but fighting hard with emotions, i am now....
life can be tough at times, in fact it is getting tough for me now, i'm not really sure if the peak is over, sometimes you don't need to have something physical in front of you to feel the obstacles in your life, and the things that stop you most are not physical
let's just call it another night, let's just say that no matter how happy it seem to be for the whole day, the true emotions just choose to reveal themselves times like now