Emo

i seriously didn't realize how good i am nowadays to suppress all the stresses which i've been facing all along, not until something deliberately triggered the release of them.....
alright, i'm not having a exam schedule as tight as others, i'm not having papers as demanding as others, so does that mean i don't deserve to feel stressed?
give me a solid reason for me to continue to be here hanging on like a walking zombie?
i realize it's been a long long long time since i do something i really really really enjoy, i've been masking myself days and nights, i've been showing myself to be too strong to others, the belief that wei feng is a tough guy who can always manage his emotions and feelings pretty well is at least partially incorrect, if not fully...
as i said, now only that i realized i've learnt so well, that i've suppressed them all down unconsciously, all disappointment, all frustration, all sorts of negative feelings, having a fairly good control of emotion or simply high EQ is a must in the modern society, so i learn to SUPPRESS, without my acknowledgement....
i wish, the day will come, when i do not have to be responsible for others, i tend to take others' feelings and put them upon my shoulder, with the sacrifice of my own emotions, my own very needs......
blame my personality, don't tell me there are a lot more unfortunate people out there, i don't care even if there's a rule of not being allowed to stay moody as long as you're not the most unfortunate person on earth......
can i commit suicide?that's gonna hurt a lot of people's feeling, see i'm taking care of other people more than myself again, i hate being rational sometimes, getting more and more times in fact, it's just perfect for some other people to emotionally "bully" me while i stay calm, rationalizing every bits of childishness if i'm gonna get upset by those....
now i see, that's how i suppress everything inside, like what Wall-E does with all the rubbish, but Wall-E does release them out and manipulate them constructively, which makes me wonder, when was the last time i release all of them out and manipulate them constructively?

独立

是什么时候觉得自己竟然可以一个人的在外头生活？这一种渐进性的改变，身边的人和自己都很难察觉，曾几何时，独立的在外生存，是多么遥不可及的想法，看来我还是半个被父母宠坏的孩子，虽然我只承认是半个，不是一整个。
不知不觉的两年了，第三个年头也在向我招手了。早已跨过成年的合法年龄的自己，心态上并没有觉得自己真得很成熟，也并不觉得自己是个成人。单只说独立在外头生活，其实我真的做到了吗？或许在风平浪静的时候吧！一旦面对生活的起起伏伏，虽不至于哭哭啼啼，或是恨不得飞奔到父母的怀里，但心里依然有一丝依赖的感觉，或许应该说，时不时会想“如果父母在身边，该有多好”。
忘了是哪一门课的教授，曾经说过一句话，他形容我们这一群大学生，除了经济之外，应该是蛮独立的一群成人。或许有一部分的人是吧！但我自己却不太敢承认自己是其中之一。或许对我来说，经济不能够独立，应该没有资格称自己做成年人。
无论如何，相较起从前，我确实独自走过了人生的两年，不是很长的日子，确实不长。回想往事，又怎能不想起曾经一起走过无数风雨的朋友？大家都各自为俗世的琐事奔波，在地球不同的角落寻找那凡尘背后的意义。想到这里，自己又何尝不是如此？佛家说的贪嗔痴，正是世人肚子里的蛔虫，促使我们像陀螺的旋转，道行较高的人转的较高较远，但始终一样的，就是大家都在旋转，到头来，摆脱了贪嗔痴，生命也似乎走到了尽头。
无法不怀念从前的生活，无时无刻都有朋友陪伴的生活，比起这两年来独自走的这一段路，感觉实在有天渊之别。遍布在地球各角落的朋友，不知道会不会在哪一个偷得空闲的晚上，也会想起那一段岁月的酸甜苦辣？也会为在地球另一端的知己默默祝福与支持？生活是苦的，多么乐天的人都不得不承认。感恩，不过是因为有许多比自己更苦的人，但不代表生活不苦。
脑袋随着身心的疲惫开始感觉虚脱，说话似乎没了重点，算了，告一段落吧。