festive season

it's festive season, again, merry Christmas, and a happy new year....duh.....
being bothered with lab matters is the main headache for now, i hate to complain about this, i know i screwed the opportunity, i've messed up so much that, for the time left, i have no idea to compensate at all....
i might be a little lazy at times, and you can blame me for that for i will exclude human nature as an excuse, but it's not that i've not tried very hard to do my work, to go on with my project, am i right to really say that i'm bad-lucked with all these?i don't know, for professionals in laboratories, they might just tell me to work harder, deep in the heart teasing me for giving lousy excuses for lousy performances, can't really tell anyone, not to say that there's no one to listen, but maybe there isn't anyone who can really understand the situation, for those who're also working in lab, they might take it as something not trivial, for those who are not but who care for me much, they can only listen, may not be able to understand much, not to say about lending a hand to help.....
it seriously is putting me into a dillemma, my least expectation, in fact might be my only expectation now it seems, to complete my degree, with honours, is at stake somehow.....every failure in lab is shaking my determination to go for final year, and when i do feel such painful experiences in lab, can't help but just question, why continue if you just don't find the meaning working in lab for one more year?what's more? you're going to work even more intensively during final year....
but i know i'll kill myself if i just won't go for final year, yes i will, for all the years of efforts since i started schooling, there's no way for me to end it in a way i feel incomplete, no offense to those who did not choose final year but to me, final year is the proper ending, if not further....
festive seasons don't mean much to me, nothing but holiday, i'm not expressive to parent, neither are they, okay i'm not blaming them for educating me in such a way, but our way of living with each other in the family rather peaceful and quiet, literally.....i love them, meaning of festive seasons is going home during holidays and be sure they're in good health, living happily as always, and spend quality time as what's so called "family reunion"....
i'm blessed to be able to also spend quality time with my loved one this year, short but sweet, i treasure the moments, i appreciate and am deeply touched by the effort.....
other than that, what about friends? i'm not sure if it's valid to claim that after 2 years of being attached, i still remain unchanged in my social life, at least i'm damn sure i make great effort to remain the same for my friends......
the tastes of friends gathering have somehow, changed, bitter or sour? i can't tell exactly, it's neither tasty nor non-edible, more like a...a transition to somewhere unknown...it's a type of feeling, not experimental, can never be determined if it should be attributed to friends or myself.....there're times i felt awkward, even provoked, there're times when i felt warmth, understood, but the combination of feelings has become so strange that i couldn't recognize at times, making me wonder, has there something really happened?
i don't know