homesick

i miss home, desperately....
i wouldn't miss home so much if the place i am now is so dead..
and those people who are same as me now, staying in this dead city, will just be as homesick as i am, i'm sure...
i'm just in the midst of the holiday, for god's sake i'm already back in NUS, staying here for no other reasons but just to standby....2 more weeks before welcoming the next semester, and i have to endure all of them...
the past 2 weeks of holiday at hometown was....busy, i can only think of this word to describe, and i must say it's very..busy.
it's just merely a weekend, that i went home from NUS, before i departed to Taiwan for family trip...
i personally do not give much hope to the trip, well following tour guide isn't that great after all, you're rushing for tourist spots in fact, but it's the first ever family trip for my family, i must and i want to make it as perfect as possible...
6 days trip, was shortened to 4 days, as the first and last day were used to travel..
taiwan....is not what i imagined it to be....i have to admit that assuming it to be one of the most advanced countries in Asia, i compared it with singapore, very much in terms of architecture of buildings and streets, but it was...surprising to realize that it's very much japanese style actually, and then only i realized taiwan was under the colony of japan for 50 years....
taiwan's pasar malam is so grand that i suspect it's one of the main contribution of their national income,haha, and i had the chance to taste some of the popular food introduced on tv, tasty but, very unhealthy....
taiwan people are simple, not to say that they are simple minded, but they give me the feeling that they are nice, friendly, simple, and honest, even those who sell food and clothes at pasar malam gave me the same feeling, unlike people in malaysia, which gives a strong support to what i always think, m'sians' mentality are still way too immature compared to other nations, and other people deserve to have better achievements in terms of nation development solely because of this reason....
after 6 tiring days, feng ee came to ipoh, had nice times together in ipoh and cameron, though a lot surprises popped up, lol, nevertheless, it's memorable, glad to fulfil a lot of promises that i gave her before, great food she tasted, fun time spent with her in cameron, though not long enough actually, but still there are more opportunities to come....
after that, uncles and aunties took turn to come and stay in my house for several days,lastly, spent another 2 days with my gang in ipoh, and that's it,goodbye my holiday in ipoh, here i am, back in pgp....
it's only at this moment that i suddenly realize that everyone in pgp is lonely, despite the fact that some of them have stayed here for several years, it's just that when semester starts, the workloads have overwhelmed all your feelings, but when there's nothing to occupy yourself, loneliness, is all you have here....

Love

This will be the first time ever for me to blog on the bus, to blog while I’m travelling….

Of course, there is no internet connection on the bus, (I wonder how advanced it is If they have…)anyway, that doesn’t mean I have no chance in blogging while I’m travelling…it’s as simple as writing it in a word file and upload it when I have connection much later…..

So depending on which day I’ll upload it, the blog you’re reading now is not of current stage of mine….

Anyway, it sounds weird or stupid to blog in this kinda situation, well no t really for me…

This is the end of my 3^rd semester in NUS, and I’m going home alone now….i hope sometimes that someone can give me an answer, for I just can’t help but keep thinking a lot every time I travel home…..

One and a half year in NUS or singapore, I must say that I’ve grown up, I’ve gained a lot more than I could have expected before, yet I’ve lost numerously, so much so that I can’t really tell how much I’ve lost….

I’m a perfectionist who’s forced, or rather learn in a hard way to embrace the imperfection in the world, the process is worth another story, which I’d tell some other time…but having changed from yearning for perfection to accepting imperfection peacefully, and to appreciate and feel thankful for the imperfection, it’s such a complicated process, a growth of mind that I’m forever grateful to everyone who have helped me to go through.

From studies, I proceeded to the stage of friendship which puzzled me constantly throughout my pre uni years, and now to relationship which, I’m a beginner

Thank god that I’m having, and hopefully I will have a steady relationship as long as we can maintain, but probably not as lucky for other people….

Feelings for others, for the opposite sex, especially for my age now, can appear as fast as lightning, can be as strong as steel, can be as fragile as glass, too bad can also be as weak as you can ever imagine….

The best thing on earth is the most torturous one, do you agree?

Love, for your family, for your friends, for your soul partner, for mankind on earth, is the most precious, best ever thing for each and every one of us on earth, and it is the most torturous element in our lives…..

My English is probably still not good enough to express what I feel now, witnessing people pursuing for this element of life, some of them fall, some of them succeed, some of them give up, some of them persevere, some of them feel jealous because of others, some of them feel sorry for others, there’s just too much you can imagine, and too much you can understand all to have the best solution for them all…..

I’m having my own problem, and I’m working very hard to have it cleared in my life, still I care for the progress of people around me, as what is mentioned above, something as fragile as glass, is something not affordable to be mishandled, or the scars will probably live with you as long as you do……

When there’s sth that you just can’t do anything about it, probably the best solution is to leave it aside, and things will be fixed somehow, just too bad too few people believe in it, and too few people manage to do it

情

“离别是将来的相聚，相聚是未来的离别”。这句话，对很多人来说，都是悲哀的，尤其是想到这句话要应验在关心自己或自己关心的人身上，那该是何等折磨。
只是，从一开始听见这句朋友赠的名言，就惊觉此理实在对得很。日子长了，这几年下来的经历，更让自己对这句话有更深的体会，切肤之痛，虽痛不在自己身上，而发生在他人身上，自己不过是目睹的第三者，但感同身受，何尝不也能令自己深切了解个中道理？
缘聚缘散，本就非天人所能控制，而是冥冥中的主宰，而这“冥冥”的力量，到底在何方？而主宰这股力量的，又是何方神圣？
看得聚合离散太多了，尤其是大多数都在自己的预言中验证，更对这一股莫名的力量感到无力，感到无奈，感到无常。
如此说来，对于刚因缘分相聚，甚至是在一起的人，是否根本不该为他们感到太过分的高兴？尤其是自己更不看好的，是否就更加不改带有任何祝福？
我从来都不曾对“情”字感到百分之百的信心，对我来说，情字所在，总是带三分虚假，时间一长，什么狐狸的尾巴都会露出来了。呵，世人多薄情，就算当下的那一刻付出的是百分之百的真情，谁能担保那一份所谓的真，到底能维持多久？
世人因情而聚，因情而散，因情而喜，亦因情而忧，聊无止境的循环，能看透的，没有多少人。

paper

cluster的走廊静得可怕，哪怕只是在炎热的下午，我都感觉到一种了无生气的难受，拖鞋一双一双地消失了，有一点失落，有一点惆怅，更甚的，是沉闷。
你在干嘛？还不回到课本和笔记的怀抱里？怎么还浪费时间在无聊的部落格身上啊？我大概是无聊透顶得疯了，要借助一个自己写的部落格来教训自己，听起来有点好笑，但其实真正的感觉是悲哀。不是吗？当自己都在嘲笑自己的行为时，不是悲哀，难道是一种荣誉？
三张，我还有三张。。“哇，你还有三张都能那么轻松，一定很行吧？胸有成竹了吧？哎呀，别说什么压力啦，看你把握十足的样子，一定准备充足！”
对于这所谓的赞美，除了一笑置之外，我不知道还能给与什么样反应，什么样的回答。这是哪门子的道理啊！？为什么有paper就一定是那要生要死的臭脸？怎么？有paper就不能轻松吗？就不能喊“闷”吗？@#$*!，只觉得心中那一团闷火经不起那一点点的挑拨，否则自己就会像只猛兽般扑向对方猛咬。。。。
呵呵，我笑了，看着这一片像疯子写的文章，我自己也不得不笑了，写吧，继续写吧，写完之后又如何？骂吧，继续骂吧，骂完之后会怎样？事实终归事实，我也大概只能随着永无止境的循环旋转

moody

i'm moody, for no formal reasons, i'm moody......
i used to be a moody person, used to be, i still remember vividly....
having attached for one year makes my life much happier, it's rare in the past one year that i fell into moodiness all of a sudden, but still i keep on reminding myself, conducting a happier life doesn't mean i'm ripped off the right to be moody, in fact, i shouldn't resist when it comes, even for no reasons, somehow i feel that it's a need for me to be a little moody once in a while
i told juniors, people here do have problems with them, especially during exam period, problems will bursts out like pimples on face....
having 3 papers consecutively during the end of exam season is no fun at all, i probably have to allocate part of the responsibility of making me moody to exam stress, though it's not making me crazy, still it's difficult to bear with.....
well back to moodiness, it's weird to say, but i really do feel familiar with being moody again, it's like having the old me back, in a certain extent...found myself in a big group of friends eating and enjoying fun time together, but i was just mingling around and smiling mildly to each and everyone, i didn't talk much, nor did i responded actively, but just, being there quietly....
i must say that i sense a small amount of comforts by doing so, of course it's not perfectly enjoyable to be moody, but i found it neither torturous nor hazardous to my health, but just....i need to be moody to be balance at that particular moment, for no reasons....
and now i'm listening to sad songs and writing negative blogs, well not so negative some might say......i used to do it a lot, again, i enjoy it actually......
i'm going to be 22, reminded by a friend who is sooner than me to be, no more a kid, no more a teen, but a young adult, and shouldn't be too volatile with emotions management.....absolutely agree with that, but for tonight, for no particular reasons, i just wanna be moody.....