if the start of a semester is counted from the day you're settled into your room, today is the first day of my year 3 in NUS.....
i think the one month i spent at home is just too short...erm, i shouldn't say it's too short, but maybe after another month relaxing at home, when i'm back here again, mentally i was unprepared, the place here is so familiar, and yet you just can't believe you've left here for a month, and now you're back here again, arh...i just don't know how to note down the feelings...
tuesday is the day for me to kick start, it's going to be a good start, i keep telling myself, i've gone through enough miserable life here, and what i need desperately now is to utilize every seconds wisely from now on, to pursue what i'm here to pursue, to do what i'm here to do, and most importantly, to make my 4 years here not a regretful one.....
freshmen are very passive this year, very, very sad to say that, and i can sense the emptiness in this very place, not only because some good friends ain't staying here anymore, but also i don't see people around, though probably when semester starts, when there are people everywhere, i'd complain for the congestion again....
anyway, i'm in a new room again, let's just hope this will be a good start for all of us
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
stressed
i feel stressed, first time because of my family....
when my dad first told me he's retiring, my first thought was actually concerning his life after retirement, he's not a very socially active person, doesn't have friends around, and his life for all these years, were actually committed fully to work and family, long before this coming day, my mom and i had once discussed on this matter, what's his life going to be after retirement, when half of his time a day suddenly is emptied....
i don't have to be an expert to be able to imagine the situation like, some men, those who are seriously inactive other than his own career, can get into severe depression after retiring....
my dad started working since 11 or 12 years old according to him, that was when he's back from school he would go help in grandpa's farm, until he graduated form college and started his own career, more than 40 years that he's never been "free" literally, he admitted that indeed he's a bit unadapted to the situation, feels a bit blue recently, and even without him saying that, my mum and i can easily feel it, and what a coincidence that my youngest sister just left home for further studies few weeks ago, which means 2 days later when i'll go back to NUS, mum and dad will be alone at home. I'm not worried about them not being able to take care of themselves physically, but just, mum's got 8 years more before taking that big step of life, while my dad is, inevitably taking it in few days time...
he'll help in my aunt's nursery, temporarily, as a driver, he also talked to a few colleagues, hoping to locate probably a job, a less stressful one, of course not so well paid one....
financial wise, he assured me that mum and him have no problem supporting 3 of us till graduation. Of course i do believe in their financial planning very much, but it wasn't difficult for me to sense that, there's still something that they're concern regarding financial stuff, my dad's drug is costing an amount every month, and having family income deducted by half just make them a little insecure, at least for this beginning stage.....
which makes me think of the next thing, i, as the eldest son, will have the responsibility to support the family....mum and dad has never mentioned anything about that, but seeing a sudden change in my family, i feel a huge burden resting on my shoulder suddenly, something that never has crossed my mind, and it's coming very soon.....
when my dad first told me he's retiring, my first thought was actually concerning his life after retirement, he's not a very socially active person, doesn't have friends around, and his life for all these years, were actually committed fully to work and family, long before this coming day, my mom and i had once discussed on this matter, what's his life going to be after retirement, when half of his time a day suddenly is emptied....
i don't have to be an expert to be able to imagine the situation like, some men, those who are seriously inactive other than his own career, can get into severe depression after retiring....
my dad started working since 11 or 12 years old according to him, that was when he's back from school he would go help in grandpa's farm, until he graduated form college and started his own career, more than 40 years that he's never been "free" literally, he admitted that indeed he's a bit unadapted to the situation, feels a bit blue recently, and even without him saying that, my mum and i can easily feel it, and what a coincidence that my youngest sister just left home for further studies few weeks ago, which means 2 days later when i'll go back to NUS, mum and dad will be alone at home. I'm not worried about them not being able to take care of themselves physically, but just, mum's got 8 years more before taking that big step of life, while my dad is, inevitably taking it in few days time...
he'll help in my aunt's nursery, temporarily, as a driver, he also talked to a few colleagues, hoping to locate probably a job, a less stressful one, of course not so well paid one....
financial wise, he assured me that mum and him have no problem supporting 3 of us till graduation. Of course i do believe in their financial planning very much, but it wasn't difficult for me to sense that, there's still something that they're concern regarding financial stuff, my dad's drug is costing an amount every month, and having family income deducted by half just make them a little insecure, at least for this beginning stage.....
which makes me think of the next thing, i, as the eldest son, will have the responsibility to support the family....mum and dad has never mentioned anything about that, but seeing a sudden change in my family, i feel a huge burden resting on my shoulder suddenly, something that never has crossed my mind, and it's coming very soon.....
Monday, July 7, 2008
路
最后一次用中文写部落格是什么时候,自己都忘得一干二净了...
诚如一位朋友所说,我不想看见有一天,连自己失去了什么都不知道.写作是自己很喜欢的一样东西,我实在不想看见有一天,自己会沦落到用半咸不淡的中文写作.
好像第一次在这么短的时间送离了那么多的人,有弟妹,也有朋友.开始明白别人所说的,送别的人,比离去的人,一样的难过.我的假期还可以有很长,但是朋友渐渐的都不在身边了.我的意思是,短期内,都不会在身边了.越过海洋,飞到他洲见识,实在是一件不得不承认的好事.我看见身边的朋友一个一个的飞了,为他们感到骄傲之余,突然惊觉,我又慢慢的步向人生的另一个旅程碑.过去的二十年一直沉溺在学生的身份,似乎在不久的将来,甜美的梦就会苏醒.坦白说,我一点心理准备都没有,但是身边的转变,还有看着比自己年轻那么多的学弟学妹,还有摆在眼前要走的路,无论多么的惊慌失措,我还得开始收拾心情,因为这一切,来得比我想象的要快很多,而且还会越来越快.
还是会感到害怕,还是会缺乏安全感,虽然这一切暂时还是看来那么的风平浪静.只因为,这世界变幻无常,朝秦暮楚的,下一刻会发生的事,没有人说得准.
路,长得很,但是好像越来越窄了,容不下第二个人陪我继续走下去.或许这正是我此刻的心情,未来的路,越来越艰难,但是却越来越狭窄.对生命充满热忱的人,我只能感到佩服,我需要的,或许就是那一份热忱,一股冲劲....
诚如一位朋友所说,我不想看见有一天,连自己失去了什么都不知道.写作是自己很喜欢的一样东西,我实在不想看见有一天,自己会沦落到用半咸不淡的中文写作.
好像第一次在这么短的时间送离了那么多的人,有弟妹,也有朋友.开始明白别人所说的,送别的人,比离去的人,一样的难过.我的假期还可以有很长,但是朋友渐渐的都不在身边了.我的意思是,短期内,都不会在身边了.越过海洋,飞到他洲见识,实在是一件不得不承认的好事.我看见身边的朋友一个一个的飞了,为他们感到骄傲之余,突然惊觉,我又慢慢的步向人生的另一个旅程碑.过去的二十年一直沉溺在学生的身份,似乎在不久的将来,甜美的梦就会苏醒.坦白说,我一点心理准备都没有,但是身边的转变,还有看着比自己年轻那么多的学弟学妹,还有摆在眼前要走的路,无论多么的惊慌失措,我还得开始收拾心情,因为这一切,来得比我想象的要快很多,而且还会越来越快.
还是会感到害怕,还是会缺乏安全感,虽然这一切暂时还是看来那么的风平浪静.只因为,这世界变幻无常,朝秦暮楚的,下一刻会发生的事,没有人说得准.
路,长得很,但是好像越来越窄了,容不下第二个人陪我继续走下去.或许这正是我此刻的心情,未来的路,越来越艰难,但是却越来越狭窄.对生命充满热忱的人,我只能感到佩服,我需要的,或许就是那一份热忱,一股冲劲....
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