fell sick.....can't imagine wearing windbreaker, long pants, fan number 1 still shivering in the room....
was once told that you homesick most when you're sick,did i?erm...not really, just got very frustrated, especially when things are piling up and yet you just can't strengthen up yourself to finish it up...arh.......
i seldom fall sick, well at least i seldom back in hometown,yeah,city life,modernized lifestyle.....ageing's getting faster and faster nowadays, it's just so sad to see that it's happening to me...i don't go jogging every evening anymore, i don't play badminton till 3 to 4 hours anymore, i don't even know how to serve well in table tennis...this is the price i paid after coming here,i hate that,i just hate that....
i'm sick yesterday and today, couldn't really pay attention in lectures, and talking about lectures, i just don't understand, what's the point of being a university undergraduate if, he or she doesn't even know how to respect the lecturer?i'm so sick of letting out the sound "shhh...." in lectures everytime lecturer wanna start...
what's the use of making such sound?no use at all, but i just can't bear with it, such inconsiderate behaviours of them is irritating...i wonder why is that more than 10 years of primary and secondary education can't even teach a person to just respect another person when he or she is speaking, this is so sarcastic, we are the so-called "professionals", but don't even know how to pay respect,funny....
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
成年
成年的一天，感恩的一天。
应该先感谢为我庆祝的好朋友，倘若有哪一位觉得我表现得有点尴尬，请不要怀疑，我是真的有点尴尬。从小到大，家里都很少，除了五岁以前吧！大概都没有所谓庆祝生日的习惯，从小到大，也不曾是朋友当中最受欢迎的一个，甚至可以说是不太有朋友，更不用说有什么生日派对。那么多年来，都和自己说不需要，也不会去想像有朋友专程安排，特地为我庆生的场景。其实内心的最深处知道，我是渴望的，我也是羡慕的，所以朋友们，请原谅我的尴尬，确实是因为人长到二十一岁了，也没有多少次庆生的经验。
成年两个字，好陌生啊！但是，它却永远都依附在我身边了，这几天也偶尔在想，自己需要为了这两个字，作出什么样的改变？还是成年，不过是另一个平凡的日子？
不知怎的，感恩，就是我唯一能想到的两个字。不只是因为性格的关系，还是样子的问题，一直都不太受大众欢迎，于是从小都在自己能力范围内不断的努力，盼得到他人的认可，盼得到他人的刮目相看。不甘平凡，一直都是内心的渴望，不愿意成为他人的衬托品，一直都是内心的奋斗的动力。我知道，内心的自己，矛盾得很，自卑的令自己相信永远都不可能被他人注意，自卑的令自己乖乖的当一个衬托品的角色；但另一方面却又自大得从不甘认输，自大得不愿意去相信自己的处境是一种理所当然。
我想拥有这一种内心的挣扎是不容易的吧！不然怎么一直都觉得自己的内心世界有点不完整。。。。
反而在想，当我在房间里舒舒服服的享受着高科技，凭十只手指写下自己心中的不甘时，地球上有多少比我不幸的人？而我现有的一切，又是多少人奋斗的贡献？
想到这里，怎么能不想到感恩？身处在地球这一个角落的人，都是幸福的人，我想这一辈子，都无法想像那些比我不幸十倍的人，他们成年的那一日，又是怎么度过的。
成年之后，应该改变的，就是在肩膀上加上“责任”两个字。脚上踏着的路，不再属于任何人，也不再有任何人能够闯进来，是走向使命的旅程，一个人的旅程，只愿沿路上的风景，从不间断。是披荆斩棘，还是一帆风顺，只愿不枉此生。
应该先感谢为我庆祝的好朋友，倘若有哪一位觉得我表现得有点尴尬，请不要怀疑，我是真的有点尴尬。从小到大，家里都很少，除了五岁以前吧！大概都没有所谓庆祝生日的习惯，从小到大，也不曾是朋友当中最受欢迎的一个，甚至可以说是不太有朋友，更不用说有什么生日派对。那么多年来，都和自己说不需要，也不会去想像有朋友专程安排，特地为我庆生的场景。其实内心的最深处知道，我是渴望的，我也是羡慕的，所以朋友们，请原谅我的尴尬，确实是因为人长到二十一岁了，也没有多少次庆生的经验。
成年两个字，好陌生啊！但是，它却永远都依附在我身边了，这几天也偶尔在想，自己需要为了这两个字，作出什么样的改变？还是成年，不过是另一个平凡的日子？
不知怎的，感恩，就是我唯一能想到的两个字。不只是因为性格的关系，还是样子的问题，一直都不太受大众欢迎，于是从小都在自己能力范围内不断的努力，盼得到他人的认可，盼得到他人的刮目相看。不甘平凡，一直都是内心的渴望，不愿意成为他人的衬托品，一直都是内心的奋斗的动力。我知道，内心的自己，矛盾得很，自卑的令自己相信永远都不可能被他人注意，自卑的令自己乖乖的当一个衬托品的角色；但另一方面却又自大得从不甘认输，自大得不愿意去相信自己的处境是一种理所当然。
我想拥有这一种内心的挣扎是不容易的吧！不然怎么一直都觉得自己的内心世界有点不完整。。。。
反而在想，当我在房间里舒舒服服的享受着高科技，凭十只手指写下自己心中的不甘时，地球上有多少比我不幸的人？而我现有的一切，又是多少人奋斗的贡献？
想到这里，怎么能不想到感恩？身处在地球这一个角落的人，都是幸福的人，我想这一辈子，都无法想像那些比我不幸十倍的人，他们成年的那一日，又是怎么度过的。
成年之后，应该改变的，就是在肩膀上加上“责任”两个字。脚上踏着的路，不再属于任何人，也不再有任何人能够闯进来，是走向使命的旅程，一个人的旅程，只愿沿路上的风景，从不间断。是披荆斩棘，还是一帆风顺，只愿不枉此生。
Friday, October 12, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
迟到，交易
迟到，是现代人的通病，也是我最讨厌，但也无法不接受的事。
听起来有点无可奈何？倘若你身边的朋友都不把“准时”看成一件值得注意的事情，再无可奈何的事情也得接受。
曾经有过最讽刺的一次经验，就是在同一天以内听见，对于我守时的习惯最好也最坏的话。
谁对我说的？那好像并不比当中的内容重要。
“很难得这么年轻就有这种好习惯，记得要把它牢牢的带在身上，你将终生受用无穷。”这是我因为守时听到最好的一句话。
“每个人都早已经习惯迟到，根本就是无法改变的事实，你再怎么准时，甚至早到，你认为你这样做会得到他人的重视吗？”不用说，这是最坏的。说这句话的人还沾沾自喜，甚至有点引以为傲的觉得深懂此理能让他受“万世爱戴”。自己的脾气要是暴躁些，早已对他不客气的训话。
什么原因？或许是因为科技发达，交通方便，让人们都忘记了这些千百年来古人所流传的美德吧！文明的弊病，没有多少人看得见，就算有人看得见，也不屑一顾。
很可笑，现代人的教育水平越来越高，但却越来越轻视别人的意见，别人的话从来就听不入耳。说的是坚持自己的主见，说穿了，不过是肚子里填了那几年的墨水，便刚愎自用，可笑。
最近对“朋友”这两个字又感到灰了。大家没看错，我加了一个“又”字，是因为我实在不是第一次对朋友有这样的感觉了。说实在的，甚至在其他人都还未醒觉有这种感觉的存在时，我早已在质问它存在的理由。
感情变得物质化，变得表面化，变得可替代化，变得虚假化，总的来说，变得“现代化”。朋友，好像真的都在互相利用了，“为什么你需要朋友？纯粹因为你寂寞，需要一个灵魂，甚至是一群灵魂围绕在你身边。。。”
便像是最隐藏化，最不起眼，或许说是掩饰得最好的一种交易，人与人之间因寂寞而寻找陪伴的一种交易。一旦各获所需，又或新的灵魂出现，那份合约，交易的合约自然再也无效，连毁约的赔偿金都省了。
朝秦暮楚，并不只出现在感情上，最可怕的，是当他出现在友情上时，才真正的把你打垮。连我看过对朋友最有热诚的人，都无法不感叹的同意，原来最要命的伤害，是前一秒与你称兄道弟，下一秒却问“你是谁？”，更冷酷的，甚至不屑问出这一句话，只把你当成另一个生命中出现千千万万次的路人甲。
这种隐藏在人心深处的交易，即使你正在当中，又有多少人会发现？
听起来有点无可奈何？倘若你身边的朋友都不把“准时”看成一件值得注意的事情，再无可奈何的事情也得接受。
曾经有过最讽刺的一次经验，就是在同一天以内听见，对于我守时的习惯最好也最坏的话。
谁对我说的？那好像并不比当中的内容重要。
“很难得这么年轻就有这种好习惯，记得要把它牢牢的带在身上，你将终生受用无穷。”这是我因为守时听到最好的一句话。
“每个人都早已经习惯迟到，根本就是无法改变的事实，你再怎么准时，甚至早到，你认为你这样做会得到他人的重视吗？”不用说，这是最坏的。说这句话的人还沾沾自喜，甚至有点引以为傲的觉得深懂此理能让他受“万世爱戴”。自己的脾气要是暴躁些，早已对他不客气的训话。
什么原因？或许是因为科技发达，交通方便，让人们都忘记了这些千百年来古人所流传的美德吧！文明的弊病，没有多少人看得见，就算有人看得见，也不屑一顾。
很可笑，现代人的教育水平越来越高，但却越来越轻视别人的意见，别人的话从来就听不入耳。说的是坚持自己的主见，说穿了，不过是肚子里填了那几年的墨水，便刚愎自用，可笑。
最近对“朋友”这两个字又感到灰了。大家没看错，我加了一个“又”字，是因为我实在不是第一次对朋友有这样的感觉了。说实在的，甚至在其他人都还未醒觉有这种感觉的存在时，我早已在质问它存在的理由。
感情变得物质化，变得表面化，变得可替代化，变得虚假化，总的来说，变得“现代化”。朋友，好像真的都在互相利用了，“为什么你需要朋友？纯粹因为你寂寞，需要一个灵魂，甚至是一群灵魂围绕在你身边。。。”
便像是最隐藏化，最不起眼，或许说是掩饰得最好的一种交易，人与人之间因寂寞而寻找陪伴的一种交易。一旦各获所需，又或新的灵魂出现，那份合约，交易的合约自然再也无效，连毁约的赔偿金都省了。
朝秦暮楚，并不只出现在感情上，最可怕的，是当他出现在友情上时，才真正的把你打垮。连我看过对朋友最有热诚的人，都无法不感叹的同意，原来最要命的伤害，是前一秒与你称兄道弟，下一秒却问“你是谁？”，更冷酷的，甚至不屑问出这一句话，只把你当成另一个生命中出现千千万万次的路人甲。
这种隐藏在人心深处的交易，即使你正在当中，又有多少人会发现？
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
life is not easy
CAs are all over!!!hurray!!!!but assignment due next tuesday.......
what an anticlimax, this is so typical of second semester, well why should i care?haha,having papers over is just the nicest reason for me to give myself a break today.....
the papers aren't easy!!!and it didn't take long for me to discover some of my mistakes in the papers when i discussed with some friends about it.....haiz......
was walking back to my room when i suddenly thought of something about what my uncle told me.....
my family and i went to visit my uncle in penang before i started going back school for form six...and there i was in the living room chatting with them
being himself a former STPM student, surprisingly he didn't expect me to go for form six.....
"well my family can't afford overseas education, going to kl for A level or foundation is also too expensive in terms of living expenses, so there seems to be no other choices for me..."
"ok...it's another round of gambling then",that's what he said
another round of gambling,he use the word of gamble to describe STPM,sounds ridiculous but ironically, it's somehow a nice description......
i guess the reason he thought is really that he expected me to into some sort of a more secured path before entering into a Uni, instead of STPM, where chinese are to fight among themselves again after SPM for the pitifully few intake of the so called "nice courses" in local Uni
alright back to the point, of course what my uncle wanted was that i can have something more secured, to be able to have a seat in Uni easier, rather than going for STPM and try your luck one more chance.....
that was few years ago, and i'm now in National University of Singapore, all those seem so far from me,but suddenly i feel that the thinking of my uncle, once very far and irrelevant,become something so close and real.....
all the while when i was in malaysia, again my "extra respect" to the education system, i thought that things will be smooth and nice once you're in Uni, there will be no more fighting among each other, there will be no more gambling,life is easy.....
well LIFE IS NEVER EASY........the once biblical belief that one's life will become easy when he or she is in Uni is superbly absurd........
i was...well perhaps i am still,shaken by the fact that even when i am now enrolled in my favoured course of study in NUS here,life is still not easy,in fact,it's much tougher......there's never guarantee of anything in life,no matter which stage of life you're in, and hardwork is probably the most certain thing you need as you progress in life
my dream is moving further and further from my life,nothing i can do much to stop it although i've done all i can.....and for those who're still holding tight to the biblical belief, i can't be more certain that i want to tell them to wake up.............
what an anticlimax, this is so typical of second semester, well why should i care?haha,having papers over is just the nicest reason for me to give myself a break today.....
the papers aren't easy!!!and it didn't take long for me to discover some of my mistakes in the papers when i discussed with some friends about it.....haiz......
was walking back to my room when i suddenly thought of something about what my uncle told me.....
my family and i went to visit my uncle in penang before i started going back school for form six...and there i was in the living room chatting with them
being himself a former STPM student, surprisingly he didn't expect me to go for form six.....
"well my family can't afford overseas education, going to kl for A level or foundation is also too expensive in terms of living expenses, so there seems to be no other choices for me..."
"ok...it's another round of gambling then",that's what he said
another round of gambling,he use the word of gamble to describe STPM,sounds ridiculous but ironically, it's somehow a nice description......
i guess the reason he thought is really that he expected me to into some sort of a more secured path before entering into a Uni, instead of STPM, where chinese are to fight among themselves again after SPM for the pitifully few intake of the so called "nice courses" in local Uni
alright back to the point, of course what my uncle wanted was that i can have something more secured, to be able to have a seat in Uni easier, rather than going for STPM and try your luck one more chance.....
that was few years ago, and i'm now in National University of Singapore, all those seem so far from me,but suddenly i feel that the thinking of my uncle, once very far and irrelevant,become something so close and real.....
all the while when i was in malaysia, again my "extra respect" to the education system, i thought that things will be smooth and nice once you're in Uni, there will be no more fighting among each other, there will be no more gambling,life is easy.....
well LIFE IS NEVER EASY........the once biblical belief that one's life will become easy when he or she is in Uni is superbly absurd........
i was...well perhaps i am still,shaken by the fact that even when i am now enrolled in my favoured course of study in NUS here,life is still not easy,in fact,it's much tougher......there's never guarantee of anything in life,no matter which stage of life you're in, and hardwork is probably the most certain thing you need as you progress in life
my dream is moving further and further from my life,nothing i can do much to stop it although i've done all i can.....and for those who're still holding tight to the biblical belief, i can't be more certain that i want to tell them to wake up.............
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