Wedding

i shouldn't be tired, but i am really, exhausted....
thanks to all the freaking modules this semester, i'm basically drowned in notes these 2 days, and there are more days to come....
went back hometown before this for my cousin brother's wedding, for 2 days, 16 hours of bus trip altogether, sounds crazy, even to me....
i can't say i'm very very close to him, i don't think he'd think that too, it's just that i have the urge to witness his wedding, the process of him starting a new family of his own....
he came down to ipoh to study in college after his SPM, 2 or 3 years i think, can't really recall those years, but i guess i was form 3..yeah around that...
he stayed quite near to my house, and went to my house for dinner almost everyday, sometimes i'd stay over in his place during weekends,we didn't really talk deep that time, what we usually did was merely buying ramly burger and watching late night show together,and...yeah,that's it.
i'm never close to my cousins, neither of my father's side nor from mother's side, he's not an exception, just that probably i find he's got some qualities that i kinda admire, and it's that feeling that i'd sacrificed 2 days of studies to attend his wedding ceremony.
family gathering, particularly for a person who's left home like me, is something happy and exciting. It's definitely a short one, i mean the one last week, nonetheless i felt unity of family, which i barely sensed it after both my grandparents passed away.
my family members aren't saints, i know they had quarrels in the past, and some of them don't really have the bond with others, but when it comes to family gathering, especially there are things like wedding, everything unhappy among them just disappears. Having both my grandparents lost, i know my family needs these to strengthen desperately.
taking bus back to singapore ALONE is not enjoyable, but the time before i fell asleep and not interested in the movie playing in the bus, was surprisingly a chance for me to do a little organization of my thoughts and memories....
i haven't done that for weeks....and the feeling is just nice that i can stop for a while in the long run and have a glimpse of what i've gone through. Time flies man, one more semester is gone, well what have i done that matters? and i'm getting fatter.....
ah.....i enjoy the feeling of having a flash back of my memories, and having to meet my cousin brother really recalled a lot of my own stories during my lower secondary years,anyway, congratulations to the couple

perfection

i'm not supposed to be awake at this hour, just too bad i've got some sudden feeling in my heart that, i probably need to let it out somewhere.....
we are all trained to think and behave perfectly, but we're all thrown into a world that can never be perfect, how sad......
how well can perfectionists fit into this world?one might need forever to search for the answer, some told me that the search for perfect, or at least the best in everything is no less than the best pushing force in trying to achieve goals of life..
i certainly do agree that life without aims, life without force or motivation to move ahead is worse than disastrous, but, even a correct action with a wrong reason can be a wrong action, well don't be surprised if you are familiar with the words, it's modified from a movie in fact.
sometimes i do wonder, do we, the young generation now, strive for the best because of the correct reason?or we, simply because of an invisible trend, are running blindly around, claiming that we are heading to perfection?
failure and dissatisfaction in life seem so horrible to most of us, including me, but suddenly i recalled something from a respected person of mine...
he was puzzled with the thinking of us, the so called young generation, for being so fragile, for being so easily discouraged, for being so vulnerable in front of failure, for being so sensitive of dissatisfaction in life....
we are spoiled, i must say that, no matter what kind of family or educational background one has, we are all spoiled, i insist on that.....
things change, so do people, but not all the time for a good reason. I commented that change itself is like a weapon which, does not carry values and hence, whether it is good or bad, beneficial or destructive, depends on one's perspective.
well having said that, this might be a proper explanation for what i've insisted strongly just now....because of the chase of perfection, our perception for the world has narrowed, and the big conclusion is, we all suffer, not because of others, but because of ourselves.